Japan Town Diaries (or Fun with Japanics)

Happy New Year! I want a smoke!

2007-01-05T02:30:00.000+09:00

Jerry: crackups?!?!
what the fuck are you doing, white boy?
me: now for something different
hwmahehahahahahaha!
(Big exhale)
sorry bout that, fighting some deamons right about now
Jerry: whats up, amigo?
me: well nothing buch
much
just bored you see
time on my hands as it were
slept late than napped
watched all the movies in the house, same for the borrowed ones
finished my last book I havent read 50000000 times
so I'm bored
wasn't so bad really, till I became bored
have you figured it out yet?
early days yet
not over the hump
found some, threw them away, but I saved one.
just one
looking at it now
it's poision, stale, old, prolly rip my throat out, which is why I'm fighting it
Preciousssssssssss......
Jerry: DONT DO IT!
dude
WRITE ON YOUR FUCKING BLOG!

Ok, I will.
Well, we didn't have the begining of that conversation, we lost it, but such is life.
Hello.
It's been a while hasn't it?
Hmm, well I have the internet in my house again, I'm on vacation, and I'm trying to quit smoking. The above is an excerpt from a conversation I had with J when I was going through the worst part. I don't really know why I'm writing now, except I cant sleep and it's keeping me from smoking. I still have one... So smooth, white, tasty... but no. To be honest, I'm rambling because I have no idea of where to start. I see my last entry was sometime in August. I have new roommates. One is very young, but cool, and english. The other is a little older, canadian of vietnamese extraction. He can cook. My love life is still almost non-existant, but curiously enough, I have tons of ladies I'm talking to. Most of them I'm not so interested in though, and as much as I would like to get crazy with them, the older I get the more true the statement "you cant un-*%$@ someone becomes. My favorite is still a virtual unknown, a girl I see almost everyday, but cant really talk with because of the language barrier. Ah well. For new years I partied in a shibuya love hotel's orgy room. Now, it's not as good as those four words make it sound. It was cool, but there was no orgy, and it was mainly a gaijin party. Still, cool. Before I left the party I was posessed by some strange deamon to finish a bottle of gin by chugging it. "Who says I act my age?" I then went outside, walked about 500 feet, threw up, rousted a homeless/drunk person (Not sure which) stole their corner and WENT TO SLEEP. Now, I don't remember the person. But I left the party with a friend who had to go back to pick something up, and she said that there was a person there when she left. Unfortunatly she was gone for an hour, so the law of the jungle asserted itself. No worries, my friends came along an hour later, found me and escorted me to the station. Still, it was memorable. Mabye not as memorable as the two N. English lads walking around the party wearing nought but black socks on their cocks, but still memorable. (Why must N. English males always remove their clothes when drunk? I don't know. I havn't figured it out.) The rest of the break was uneventful. Except Yuka day. As you mabye don't know, Yukas cause me no end of trouble. It is admittidly one of my favorite names, but I've had trouble with at least THREE Yukas, two of them in rapid succesion. Never dated one, something or someone always got in the way, but for a while I couldn't meet anything BUT Yukas.
Excerpt from "Daimushi, the play"
Scene: At a bar
Placement: Our hero lounges against the bar, idly watching the crowd, smoke curling up from his umpteenth cig of the night. A girl approaches.
Girl: Hi!
D: hey yourself!
Girl: my name is-
(D interupts)
D: wait wait, don't tell me... (Places hand to head) Yuka?
Girl: That's amazing! How did you know?
D: My luck....

It was really like that. But the Yuka storm died down. The other day though, in Tokyo, on a TRAIN (If you only knew how improbable this was) I ran into one of the Yukas. It was great to see her, gonna get coffee soon, kept rolling. Later that night though, out of the frickin blue, after about a year, ANOTHER Yuka called me! What is this? Why in pairs? Is this like some Jedi stuff, "There are always two..." Weird. Anyway, not much else is going on at the moment. I still study japanese, but not very well, by hair is a little longer. Wondering to myself how long I'm gonna stay here, because while I don't want to live here forever, I can't imagine leaving. Well, I'm gonna try to go to sleep now, I'll try to make a better post next time, with not so much time in between them. Tonite was more a rample to keep me from smoking. I'll see if I can figure out the camera machine as well, but because my camera broke, I don't have so many new photos. Peace!

Problems

2006-08-13T19:21:00.000+09:00

Ok, this is an open letter to all my friends. I'm about to be a bit hard to reach. Dan is returning to america thursday, which means my house phone and internet are about to be discontinued. It will take about a month to get them reestablished in my house. (Of course, I may switch apartments to live with one of my co-workers) Now, here's where it gets tricky. Last night I went to Tokyo with josh. Many funny stories, I'll write them in the next post. The problem is, when I was drunk and semi-comatose in Roppongi station, my cell phone fell out of my pocket. That's right, my keitai is gone, and I'm waiting a few days to get a new one in case someone turns my phone in. SO, what that means is that the communication, which I have admittidly done badly on, us about to be even more impaired. SORRY!

Love you all,

Debates

2006-07-29T21:55:00.000+09:00

I've been revewing my blog, and I realize it's crap. No wonder it's not visited (along with the fact that I never post) When I do though, it's drivel. Just one alchohol fueled story after another, endless two dimensional snapshots. I mean really. Because I'm a private person (at least when I transmit to the void) I never put anything of substance in my blog. None of my thought processes, none of my emotions, none of my worries and none of my debates. When combined with the fact that I havnen't done a good job of writing or remaining in contact with my close friends, it becomes downright terrible, I mean, for many who occasionaly drop in, this is the only medium to see what's going on in my life. Sometimes I remain quiet though, because I don't feel I do enough. I drink too much and then spend my day off around the house, rereading websites I've seen a hundred times. Embarassing. Anyway, I'm sorry. I'll try to do better. Right now my big debate is coming home for a visit. You see, I'm often a selfish person. About two months ago, my mother's boyfriend died, leaving her alone and depressed. I stayed away. I worried that my presence would strengthen her desire to have me home, and I wasn't ready to come home. I mean, I miss St.Louis, (I like it more than when I was there) I miss my family, I miss my friends, all of that, but I still feel that there's more to do here. My mom has not gotten better, in many ways she has started to downslide, and that's a scary thing to hear over the phone. At the time though, I didn't come home. I had decided to remain in Japan for the summer, because it's my favorite time. The most is happening, it's the best time to do things, and there's a festival every weekend. I hadn't lasted through the winter to come home when it was getting good. Then my mother's boyfriend died, and things started to slide. I still didn't put in for a vacation though, because stuff was going on, and because I was scared. Scared because I don't know how easy it will be to return to Japan once I return home. I mean, I cam in the sprit of adventure, and that got me through the seperation and adjustment period, but what to you do when the adventure is gone? Also, as dearly as I love my family, when I talk to them, sometimes I get that angry, frustrated feeling that I used to get, the one when the meds weren't working, and something was gonna get smashed. I don't like that feeling, I didn't like it then, and I like it less after a years absence. Anyway, the whole trip home keeps getting postponed, and now every conversation with my family involves suggestions about when I could come home SOON. Now, I was thinking to come home in late september. I didn't think I could make it earlier, because right now the firm is strapped for teachers, and I didn't have my request in in advance. That kind of puts August out of the running, even though my dad suggested it. Then, it was suggested that I come home for labor day. It's a great thought, I'd would be really fun. The only problem is, my roommates. They're leaving, and that's another little bit of stress. I mean, two of my closest friends leaving, (Dan mid-aug, Josh early-sep) opening up my apartment to whatever crazed person my company sends. Not only that, but the phone and internet are in dan's name, and in Japan, they cant be canceled. It also takes like a month to get them up and running, so in mid august, I'll be offline alot more. (barring net cafe's) Dan is leaving when Josh and I are here, but josh is leaving right around labour day. Now, that sucks. Can you imagine, you have this crazy time, do all these things, see all these sights, and when you leave it's to an empty apartment? Just turn off the lights, stand in the hall, say bye to the air and walk to the station alone? Not to mention me leaving a house with friends and returning to Japan and an empty house? Not pretty. Now, there is nothing to say that I couldn't come home late september. Nothing except the fact that Perfect Tommy is leaving Japan, and he's doing it by way of Thailand and India. Now, I can't do India, but he wants me to do Thailand with him and his girl, 9 days. Tommy is an amazing organizer, and he's been there before. If Igo with him, I will see more than I will on my own. Just the highlights are Bangkok, side trip to Cambodia for Ankor Wat, then up to Chaing Mai, the cultural capitol of Thailand. Tempting, Very very tempting. But It's a hard sell to your moms when she's been begging you to come home, you've told her you can't get off, then all of a sudden you get off for Thailand. Also, seeing as they've been begging me to come home for two months or so, putting it off another three is a little cold... Sigh. So I'm trying to decide what to do. None of the times are good, and frankly I'm worried about coming home. Worried about fights, worried about people clamoring for amounts of time or help I cant give, worried about returning to Japan afterwards, to a place where most of my forigen friends have already left.

Ishikawa

2006-07-18T20:54:00.000+09:00

Wow. Cause damn Patrick... Mabye you should be here, I'm wondering if you would have a better idea of what to do here. Yes, Ishikawa is the home of the ninja temple (ninja-dera), and yes I did see it. But I didn't know about it before I went, and we only went because it was raining the whole time and we had to find something else to do. I'll start at the begining though. We met in the parking lot of sizeria and headed out. It was nice in the hara, but Shinji and Junko were worried because the weather reports predicted rain. Heavy heavy rain. True enough, about an hour into the trip, the rain started and rarely let up. It was still beautiful country to drive through though. I love the Japanese Alps, as you drive along, they tower above you, and the mist pours down through the valleys and ridges, making the mountains look like a sleeping dragon wreathed in steam. In some parts the mountains and the sea are so close, if you look to the left you see mountains, while to the right you see ocean. Anyway, we got to Junko's parents house after dark, and headed out to get alchohol and grocceries. Sukiaki and fresh crab! Delicious. My Japanese is still terrible, so I made friends with the family the same way I always do: by being twice as quick to smile or laugh, twice as quick to respond to a toast, willing to try anything put before me, and show my appreciation my eating twice as much of it. At dinner it was me, Tom, Terry, Shinji and Junko, Junko's brother, wife and twin boys, and Junko's parents. Basicly, we all got really blasted off beer and shochu, ate a sick amount of food and laid around chatting and watching Japanese game shows. The next days weather was really nasty, so we couldn't go to the beach, and most of the gardens were out. We went to Kanazawa and wandered around this part of town which was all in the old Edo style archetecture, and stopped in a little shop for tea. While there we tried to decide what to do, and it was there that the Ninja-Dera came up. So we went. Actually, it's name is Myoryuji Temple, and it has nothing to do with ninjas, but it's still sick cool. To understand it though, you need a quick history lesson. For those of you that know, be patient.
Now. The Edo period was a little dangerous for Daimyos, all manners of rules were created to keep them unable to scheme or fight back against the Tokugawa shogunate. Many time's they were demoted or killed, and because there were limits as to how many troops they could have or the size of castles they could build, many time's they couldn't fight back.
Ok, now this is history of the temple. A lord of the Kaga clan (Toshitsune) was understandably worried about his families security, so in order to make himself secure, he married a Tokugawa and sent his mother to Edo as a hostage. (Sweet!)Because fortresses were a no-no, he turned "religious" and surrounded his castle with temples. (As it happens, temples filled with soldiers) The central temple was Myoryuji, which was built as the center of the scheme, and a lookout tower. Because it was a lookout tower, and the center of Toshitsune's defence, Myoryuji was built with all manners of tricks, traps and archetectural sneakyness. (Hence the name Ninja-Dera "Ninja Temple". The name wasn't given till the modren period, because the whole thing was a well kept secret for hundreds of years) For example, in the Edo period, Shogunate law prohibited constructing buildings with more than three stories. From the outside, Myoryuji looks like a two story temple, but it is actually a four story building with a seven layer internal structure. (The top is a lookout) Offertory boxes several meters deep (pittrap!) Hidden staircases that double as pitfalls, which lead to the guardroom. Numerous escape passages to the outside, accessible only from the inside. Many of the walls are solid shoji from the main rooms, but see through from the other side. Now, there's alot, but I'll give you my four favorites.
1. Guardroom - one of the starcases to the guardroom is actually hidden. Remove the boards at the bottom of one staircase and Boom! You're falling down a spiral staircase into the guard room. Also, the guardroom is underneath one of the main staircases, a staircase that has its non foot sections covered in shoji, and is always backlit. Therefore, you step on the stairs and you are nicely sillouhetted for the waiting guardsmen and their swords. (My feet!)
2. The double door - looks like one door, actually two. Picture this. You're being chased through the winding temple. You dash up the stairs, open a door and close it behind you. Your persuer follows you through the seemingly open door outside, which then closes behind him, locking him out. Get it? The door on the left leads outside, the one on the right upstairs. Opening the door to the left grants you access up the stairs, but if you close it in a hurry it hooks the left door, opening it to the outside. It looks like you escaped, so they persue you outside, only to have you shut it behind them from the right hand passage. Then you're off up the stairs to go cause more mayhem. Soooo slick.
3 Seppuku Room - This is a little hidden room made with 4 tatami mats. This is rare, because 4 means death, so rooms almost never have only 4 mats. It's a room for Seppuku; no handle on the inside, and if I remember correctly, can be barred. If the temple was ever overrun, the commander could retreat there and complete his preperations to kill himself privatly and without distraction.
4 - Room of the waiting Bushi - Nice little centraly located room near the formal recieving chamber where the samurai would hang out. It's just an antechamber. But wait! It has four hidden exits leading to different parts of the temple. From that room, waiting samurai can get to almost part of the temple with minimal delay. Come up behind invaders, rush to contested areas, the possibilities are endless.
So, those are my four picks. Remember though, the temple is not a ninja temple. In the words of the pamphlet "Although this temple has many tricks in it, as indicated by the name ninja-dera, it was not constructed for ninja. The many tricks and traps were devised to fox shogunate spies and enemies and to allow sudden escapes." Cool.
After the temple, we headed back to the house. It was still raining, and we were trying to decide on wether or not we would go to an onsen or watch fireworks. (Because of the rain, there was a large possibility that they would be canceled) We went back to the house, had a drink, and the rain miraculously cleared. FIREWORKS! We went to the festival, but the fireworks didn't last long, so we went back to the house to eat more delicious food and drink more shochu. The next day we came back. So. It was a great vacation. I cut my smoking down by a considerable amount, ate a disturbing amount of food, (My stomach is getting big again) got really drunk, and havn't worn proper shoes since saturday night! (It's wendsday) I really needed a couple of days like that...

Trip!

2006-07-16T08:34:00.000+09:00

Im going to Ishikawa! Today! With Junko and Shinji, to stay in Junko's parents home! AWESOME! Stories to follow when I return...

This week in Japan

2006-06-28T21:53:00.000+09:00

Well, this is the news for this week. On Monday, I went along with the sole other fencer in the firm, a gentleman I mentioned months ago. True sporting man, by which I mean he likes it electric, and favors the eepe because "foil was too confusing". Interesting, veery interesting. I may have creeped people out by coming in, squatting down in an animal like posture and licking my lips whilst studying and evaluating their style. Very nice of many of them to kick their front foot foward before lungeing, letting the other person know they're coming. Lots and lots of bent arm advances, leading to a lot of infighting and poking. (Apparently a while back this guy started doing this thing, by the description it was the mythical "point in line". According to the story, it caused no end of troubles for the other fencers faced with this heritical maddness, resulting in a reign of tyranny for months untill someone found word in a text of some sort of... binding action...) Amusing. After that I went out and got roaring drunk. In the morning, began coughing blood, so I think that my enjoyable time with smokes may soon have to come to an end. That's just scary to see. I haven't quit, but I've really cut down, and I'm edging on quitting. Everytime I talk to my roommate though, I have a copulsion to smoke a pack and drink 5 pints... Went to Karaoke the other night and charmed the snot out of this one teacher from another branch. Cute, very cute, but I don't really wanna date in house, I'd prefer a Japanese girl. Now, If I can just get the one I'm talking to to begin using intonation rather than a scary monotone, I'll be in business. Ha! Today I went to Jimbocho, a part of tokyo I've been meaning to go to for a long time. It is my friend, the promised land, and I think I shall be returning. First, it is a part of the big tokizzle surrounded by prestigious universities. Now, being filled with college students, there are also many many coffee shops to kill an afternoon in. Here's the great part though. Jimbocho is known as "the neighborhood of the used book sellers"... YES. Want complete texts in the original german? Ok. Want old comic books, 1st editions of old science fiction books, movie posters in Japanese? No prob. I rocked some 2nd edition James Bond, a 1st ed Michael Moorcock and a little present for Justin all for under $30. MMMMMM. College girls who like books, coffee shops, cheap used books! I'm so there...

You Thought I Was Kidding?

2006-06-22T23:34:00.000+09:00

In my last post, I mentioned in passing how stuff has a way of happening over here. Specificly, I mentioned dancing with grandmas and drunken swordfights, but I'm not sure if you thought I was exaggerating. Over here, I don't have to. Ok. Bet your life on soccer was on a monday night. Tuesday night as I was writing the last post, I got really hungry and decided to stroll down to Shinji's and get a salad, mabye a drink. I walked in to see my boy Shacho (Company President) who I haven't seen in a long ass time. Now, a little background. Shacho is really a Korean, not Japanese, but he LOVES Okinawan style music, culture, etc. I think he mabye grew up there. (As an addendum, my Japanese teacher told me that Okinawans are always getting drunk off their super strong shochu (Aomori) and then breaking out in dances, kind of like a pacific rim west side story) Anyway, we sit down to chew the fat, (he was there to watch the Togo Vs. Korea game) and in walks this tiny old Okinawan lady, who he introduces as his Obasan. (grandmother, but sometimes said as a show of affection) This lady was cool as hell. Drank shochu, smoked, laughed loud and clear, had a wicked gleam in her eye. Still pretty too, I'd lay money that in her day she was a killer in the game. We got to talking, she was telling me how she loved to dance, telling me with pride how she used to be a lead dancer in festivals back home. Anyway, stuff was fun so I stayed to watch the first half. Halftime hits, obasan perks up and commands Shinji to put on some Okinawan music. She leans down the bar "Adam! Dancing ok?" Why not. Music started, Shacho jumped up on the tatami and began dancing, all while giving out that chant I mentioned months before. Obasan comes down the line, trying to get everyone in our party to dance, slappin people who won't, and then got to me. So we danced. Back and forth across the bar, pausing occasionaly to sip another drink. THe whole place got into it, everyone up and dancing, even Shinji and Junko. She loved my dancing, but paused midway to yell at Shinji for being a bad dancer. Perhaps the cutest part was after we finished dancing. She came up and gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek, kind of like a grandma. Then, she started to feel bad. It was a little out of character for an old Japanese lady, and I guess she thought she offended me. She started apologizing to me over and over. I told her not to worry, I was having a great time, but she didn't understand. Nobody was helping by translating, they just all stood there and watched. I tried explaining again, but she just went quiet and stared up at me, this forlorn expression on her face. She had told me she spoke english 30 years before, but looking at her I realized that time, age and shochu had robbed her of the ability to understand what I was saying in english. She looked like she was gonna cry. What else could I do? I leaned in, gave her a big hug and kissed her on the cheek like I used to kiss my grandma. She beamed. Started talking to Junko, told her I was a very nice man. Anyway, Korea went on to win. That was tuesday. Wensday I went out to lunch with this girl, but later on I was feeling a little depressed. Lonely, frustrated and irratated because I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do. Went down to Shinji's to kill some time untill my roomates got home, fell to talking with my boy Nozomi, a real cool cat who lived in N.Y. for about 7 or 8 years. He's a teacher and an artist. Drinking shochu, we fell to talking about art, and I asked him about his work. He was like "well, why don't you come back to the crib and check it out?" We went back to his place, started drinking aomori (soo dangerous) and talking about art. Moved on to culture and art and reflections of culture, killed the aomori and switched to wine. Started talking about some of the classic fencing prints, and how they reflected on the prevalent artwork of the time. Nozomi was like "That's right! You're a fencer. I used to do Kendo... (3rd degree black) We started talking techneque, then started doing slow demonstrations in the kitchen then... (all the fencers know where this is going) He was like, let's go, lets move it up a notch. He grabbed a bokken, and I got this thin piece of bamboo perfect for disengages. East Vs. West, we went to town, back and forth in the kitchen for about an hour and a half. Awwww yeah. Actually it was just a friendly fight, I'm out of practice, and really, if he was using cuts he would have killed me. It was still fun though, and we were both learning a lot. Both got fucked up too, my hand felt like busted chrismas tree orrnaments, and he had a massive welt on his neck from where he dashed into an extended line. I saw a bit of his chest too, and it was covered with livid circles from where I hit him with the end of the bamboo. (Addendum, it took two days for my hand to feel right, and when I saw him 4 days later he showed me his chest. NASTY, HUGE RED welt near the solar plexus from getting jacked in the chest) Long story short, I woke up the next morning with a murderous hangover, a busted hand and an offer to have a learning exchange, basic fencing for basic kendo. I'm not really qualified, but just for the learning, I may well have to send for my blades soon. But think about it. These last two blogs all took place in the space of three nights and two days. Weirdness like that is why I sometimes love Japan...

Lucky Boy

2006-06-13T21:10:00.000+09:00

Ok. Well, I guess I'm owing you all an update, as I swing into my second year in Japan. Yep. Second. I officially passed the one year in Japan mark on the 9th, many people offered me their heartfealt congratulations, others looked at me like I'm crazy. I'm not really sure which one is more apt. Work is almost the same, save for the fact that the firm has trained me in everything we do (often badly) so I'm continuly being send into teaching positions/classes I don't want and shouldnt be teaching. (next week I start a business class) Despite all that, I some how manage to stagger through to gold, surviving again and again, reaping accolades but no extra money, and no weekend days off. (Although several of the Japanese staff keep reccomending me for management) On the social front, I was a little stressed out for a few weeks, I have a disturbing talent to be unhappy in situations that sould make me jump for joy. To be less vague, I was talking with three girls at the same time, all seemingly interested in me. All stunners, each one with benifits and disadvantages, and worst of all I'm indecisive. I think my lack of resolve is rapidly narrowing down the feild though, and I need to be careful lest I lose chances with them all. For example, a girl in Yokahama was sending some nice signals. Benifit - Beautiful, decent english, far away from where I live. Disadvantage - Far away from where I live. Now, because I was talking with some other people at the time, I was loath to make too much of and advance with any one girl, so by not advancing the ball in play I think I may have decreased some chances with her. On the other hand, we have a girl in my town. Benifit - also beautiful, really nice, wants to hang out alot, friend of Shinji (he introduced us deliberatly) lives very close, drinks guinness, will play drinking games. Disadvantage - dosn't seem very playful, she's seems serious, mabye the least english (has a tendency to repeat what I say with a straight face. Me - "Your sake is too nice to use for a drinking game." Her - "Hmm. Yes. Too Nice.") Drinks using both hands (strange) Lives close to me. Friend of shinji. Not sure how well we are communicating. You will notice, that in her case, at least two of her stats are both benifits and disadvantages, namely lives close and friend of Shinji. Anyway, that's the social stack up, Miyahara came to a dinner party the other night, and I'm having lunch with her tomorrow. I have also not made moves, so my indesisiveness may put this one in the friend zone as well. None of that is why this post is labled "Lucky Boy" though, I give it that name because of the Austraila Vs. Japan World Cup soccer game. (Ok, this is what Japan is like. I paused here to go down the street, eat a salad and have a drink before finishing. I'm writing this three days later, and this post is gonna be a hell of a lot longer. Now I gotta fit in the dancing with grandmas and the shochu fueled swordfight...) Several weeks ago, in a moment of drunken madness, my rommie Josh got us involved in a bet with Shinji. If Austraila won it's opening game against Japan, we would win 8 guinness. If we lost, we had to drink a car bomb. Now, an ordanary car bomb ("Honto car bomb") is no problem. This was a Shinji car bomb... He's talking Nihonshu, Shochu, Umeshu, wine, beer, etc. Size wise he was talking droping bowls into buckets... I wanted to go to a temple and pray, but we have only Japanese temples around here, so I didn't think it was gonna help. The night in question, we hit the bar and started to drink. Japan kicks a goal, and the whole bar went mad. People baying like wolves, cheering like maniacs, and waving around disturbingly large bottles of sprits. Japan proceded to hold off Austraila for the next 70 min or so. Josh and I were getting scared. People are saying goodbye to us in preperation for our terminal trip, and by that point we were praying only for a tie, so we could walk away with our lives intact. (In the event of a tie, it was rock, paper, sissors to se who drinks a honto car bomb) Then, with 6 minits remaining, death by alchohol poisioning looming over our heads, Austraila proceded to get three goals. Three! We live! We win! Shinji was heartbroken. The case of Guinness was sitting on the bar, and he pushed it towards us with a backhand as he walked away. We weren't gloating, but the loss still stung the Nihonjin. Now, you all know I'm a builder of bridges, not a destroyer, so I saw what had to be done. I like draining a bit o' Guinness with jameison and baileys, but to the locals it poision and a punishment. "Shinji! A car bomb..." Shinji couldn't see why, "But you won?" I grin. "Japan played well, a tost to them..." Josh spoke up, "Make it two." We took the glasses (The bar was tense) Raised them up. "To Nihon!" Drained them in one. The tension evaporated like it was never there. Shinji went back over to the Guinness, picked them up, and formaly presented them with a smile. The rest of the night was great fun. I'm going over to their house tonite to watch the next Japan game, but this time, I can root for Japan and not worry about death. Lucky, Lucky Boy...

Sorry

2006-05-27T23:44:00.000+09:00

Look, I tried. I sat down tonite to write the cop story you all wanted. It's halfway done. But posting it is hard. You see, it's not really a funny story. Admittidly, there are some funny bits, like me flirting with female cops, but really, it's scary, and kind of sad. Sad because it's an example of why forigners have a bad rep in this country, and although I played the part of moderator in the story, I was still a participant. And thats embarassing. I could tell it to you in private, we could mabye have a laugh, but posting it out for the world to see is more than I really feel like doing at the moment. It's still too fresh, and there are people whom I respect who read this blog, and I can only imagine their responces. I'll finish the post, but I don't know if it will see light. Sorry. I'll try to post again soon with some more kid friendly fare.

Postcard from Japan

2006-05-21T01:22:00.000+09:00

Japan fucks with your head sometimes.

Last night I was on top of the world, pulling numbers like candy, loving life and this country. Tonite my plans fell through, and I wandered around the town next to mine, waiting for one of my boys to get off. While I was waiting, I went to this one low key bar I know, in the top of a building shaped like a rocketship from the 50's, with 500 yen scotch. (That's where I wrote this post) I sat there like the proverbial ghost at a feast, alone and surrounded by people speaking in a language I can't. The music was depressing, 80's music about not wanting to be alone anymore. hmm. Then the alchohol kicked in, the music was changed and the world became a better place, a little softer around the edges. I swear, if this country dosn't kill me, I'm coming out MUCH stronger. All well, tomorrow is another day. I have a rare sunday off, so I'm Tokyo bound. We'll get 'em the next time.

Good Fight, Good night.

Jesus Christ

2006-05-11T03:00:00.000+09:00

I jist paid $ 600 to get me out of a room surrounded by 11 cops, with backup outside. Details to follow, I have work tomorrow...

Update

2006-04-12T21:05:00.000+09:00

Ok. I can't argue with Jerry. I have done a horrible job blogging. Nevermind the fact of how busy I've been, I just haven't been posting enough. In some ways my life has developed a horrible sameness. For the past two months, I hadn't had two consecutive days off, sometimes doing several weeks without a day off. My smoking is through the roof, I need to cut down, because sometimes I'm through half a pack before lunchtime, and my chest always hurts. I've been stressed. Deciding to stay another year, dealing with the firm, all of that. I've been wrapped WAY TOO TIGHT. To add to the stress/fun, I'm trying to holler at this one girl. I've been out of the game so long, relating to a woman I actually like is very difficult, and very strange, like going back to high school. Not to say there haven't been women in my life, but for the past few years, I have admittedly taken the easy route and gone for the disposable relationships where you don't care what happens one way or the other. Ah well. I've been relaxing a little bit over the past few days, and rereading my Shunryu Suzuki has helped greatly with reestablishing my mental equlibrium. "You should not see the railway track. If you look at the track you will become dizzy. Just appreciate the sights you see from the train." Well, I've always had a problem with looking, scratch that, with putting things ON the track. But I'm doing better. I'm gonna start enjoying the view, worrying less, taking more chances, and generaly trying to play more chips in the game.

Well. So much for the update part. I guess I should give you a little bit of tantalizing goodness that is my life in Japan. I'll take it back to one night shortly before Jerry arrived, a night where shit truly got strange...

Trip to the Welfare Clinic

2006-02-26T22:02:00.000+09:00

Ok, so at the urging of some of my friends, I decided that it would behoove me to go to the hospital and get my leg looked at. As you may recall, I landed rather heavily on my right leg, and exactly in the place where I felt a pop arose a truly livid and impressive bruise. I called my insurance company, located the nearest hospital with an orthopedic wing that spoke english and set off early one friday morning. I took a taxi there, and after a moment's deliberation realized that the small ramshackel building in front of me was indeed a hospital. Walked in through the doors to realize that even in a hospital the Japan law holds true. NO SHOES. I had to leave my shoes at the door and make do with the hospital provided sandals, which being Japanese, left about four inches of my feet hanging off the back. Walked in the door and stopped. This hospital was ghetto as hell. I'm serious. We've got nicer welfare clinics back in the states. (Don't ask me how I know) Old old old fixtures, walls, waiting room chairs, lights and patients. I was the youngest thing in there by at least about forty years. Went up to the counter and gave them my information. Sat down to wait, and one of the nurses came out to find out exactly what my problem was. With a book. It was a hospital book filled with helpful phrases both in Japanese and English, and she communicated by pointing at the section she wanted me to read. While we're on the subject, let me stray off topic a moment to talk about the nurses. Straight Florence Nightengale kids, with the complete nurses uniform that hasn't seen duty since the Crimean War. Some of them were kind of pretty, but seeing those uniforms made me brace myself for a leeching... Now, admitedly, I did cause a bit of a stir myself. Lets examine the situation. I'm a gaijin. I'm male. I'm the youngest, hansomest thing in a room filled with Asiatic geriatrics, and to top it all off, I've just come in with a snowboarding injury. Can you say cat's meow? Finaly one of the Doctors came out and called me into this broke down examining room. Now, Japanese hospitals are a little short on space, so basicly you get led into a large room which has been partitioned off with sheets. The doc and his nurse sat me down on this old ass cot, and I pulled up my pants leg to show them the damage. "OHHH TUURAAMAA!" Says the Doc (the first english I've heard) Pokes my leg for a min and then declares "X-Ray", and I'm ushered out the room to get an x-ray. Now, I'm already vaguely amused, but when they parked me outside the x-ray room, stuff started to get downright silly. Just looking at the door was foreboding. A large metal door, slightly rusty, with warnings in Kanji written on old yellowing parchment. Above the door was an old, battered, beat up red light, glowing to indicate the presence of harmful radiation. This shit looked like it belonged onboard an old WW II battleship. As I sat there, the whole experence became more and more amusing/scary. I'm thinking things like "Man, whoever's gotta pedal to power the machine has got to be getting really tired." or "I bet this x-ray's plugged into a Commodore 64 or some shit." Things like that. Finaly the light went off, the yawned wide, and a scary little Dr.Demento beckoned me to my fate. The inside was not much better. Leaky walls, more yellowing parchment and we hadn't even entered the x-ray room. We were just in the control room. Guy ushered me in to a smaller room filled up by this ancient x-ray machine. Damn. It was a top model I will admit, back in the late 60's early 70's it would have no doubt been top of the line. The guy ordered me to take my pants off (FOR A KNEE X-RAY) and then gave me a dressing gown to restore my sense of dignity. A Japanese dressing gown. We could hardly get the thing on, the guy was laughing while we tried, and when I finaly was clothed, I couldn't breathe deep for fear of ripping out of it like the Incredible Hulk on steroids. (Still wearing the slippers too) I lay down on the table, the guy arrainged my knee to his satisfaction and started to leave. Stops. "Wasurete ta!" (I forgot) he says, and then hands me a lead plated nut shield. Forgot? FORGOT? HOW CAN YOU FORGET THE NUT SHIELD! Slams the door to the control room, and starts up the machine. (It had a deep and ominous hum) Came back in, removed my shield and set my knee up for the side shot. He than ran for the door. I'm like "Wait! No! The shield! Gimmie the shield!" He cackled as he slammed the door, and the deep crackling hum noise once again filled the room, leaving me with only my hands as protection for the jewels. Bastard. He came back in, let me put my pants back on and led me out of the room, as my balls tingled with radioactive goodness. Going into the control room I stopped dead. Why? Because I could see the control console, and it was straight out of Battlestar Galactica, THE ORIGINAL VERSION. Commodore 64? This bitch had a JOYSTICK. I was like "Hey man, forget the waiting room, I'm finna stay here and play some Space Invaders, call me when the Doc's ready." No dice. I didn't have to wait long before they called me back to the examination room, and to my relief, there was no damage. (To my knee) They insisted on bandaging my leg though. I'm sitting there watching this smiling nurse bandage my leg, and I hear a giggle. Look over to see a flash of movement out of the corner of my eye. Stayed on looking, just to see two young nurses peek their heads out from around the corner, watching with great intrest. I gave them a little shrug and a smile, which set the giggles off all again. For the rest of the time, anytime I went anywhere near a nurses desk, they would all look up and go "Oh! Adam!" Yes boys, I henceforth make the promise, that anytime I have to go to the hospital in Japan, I will wear nothing but snowboarding gear, and I will carry my board on my shoulder. Anyway, all's well that ends well. In two days Chris and Becca are coming, which is something I look foward too with great excitement.
Ja ne,

Return of the BLOG

2006-02-18T20:43:00.000+09:00

Ok.

It's been a min.

Japan is very cold this winter, and my room is the coldest in the house. Admittedly, it has made me less likly to sit down and write, but that's not a really good excuse. I slipped off. Sorry.

The last month has seem a fair amount of Jackassary, but not so much as in the previous months. I have however, done many things. Eaten in many good resturants, grown my hair longer, stormed Sumo matches and traveled to historic places with irratating people... Let it pass though. I'm already too far behind in my stories to recount all the tales. Hold hands though, as we turn back the clock two weeks for a prime nugget of stupididy and Jackassary in the snowy mountains of Gunma entitled:

SNOWBOARDING FOR THE CFSSDA!

Right. Here's the begining. Several months ago, my good friend Shinji mentioned to me that he was organizing a bar sponsored ski trip. (count the terror in those four words) Anyway, of course I was down, so I set my calender. Now, the day it was planned for I already had off, with a day for recovery to boot. In anticapation of Jerry's visit however, I cut a deal with the firm to give me an extra day off when he came, but it required me to work the day after my trip. So. The night before the trip, I slept aproxomatly one and a half hours. (busy night) I awoke at four in the morning and stumbled out into the snow, headed for the bar. I still hadn't decided if I was going to ski or snowboard, but I had already decided my main goal. NOT BREAK ANYTHING! We were gonna go to an Onsen after the skiing, so I realized that all I had to do was survive for about four hours, and then I was home free. I got on the bus at about five in the morning and was promptly handed a beer. Off we went, drinking beer and smoking like chimnneys, while one of my new friends (I make
em pretty quick) strummed a mini guitar and sang in Japanese. Slept a little, sent some text messages to Jerry, ate a dogey curry, and four hours later, arrived in Kusatsu, in Gunma prefecture. Went to rent my gear and faced a moment of truth. Ski and be relativly safe (all the good english speakers were skiing) or snowboard like a G and gain the glory. SNOWBOARD BABY! Now, just to let you know how I was representing, I was in an all grey ski outfit, and the black hat with the clover. Underneath though, I had come prepared, with the "Fist Full of Steel" shirt from my fencing society. In the jacket pocket over my heart, just for luck, I had my CFSSDA patch that my family took off my fencing jacket and sent to me. AWWWW YEAHHHH! Ok. Now. As my fencing brethren can attest, I am indeed left handed. With a bullet. Left handed fencers when moving, fighting and balancing put their left foot foward. When my friends snuck up on me and pushed me to check my balance, I reacted like a fencer, and in a very natural manner, balanced with my LEFT FOOT FOWARD. Remember this, it's very important. Now, for those of you who have not snowboarded, let me tell you that when snowboarding, RIGHT handed people put their LEFT FOOT FOWARD. Begining to see the problem? They gave me a board designed for right-devils. Problem two. It was decided by my friends that I would be given absoloutly no training on the flat section of snow. No, it was decided that I would learn on the downhill course itself, kind of a trial by fire. Next thing I know, I'm on a ski lift headed up the mountain, with a right handed snowboard. We jumped of the lift, and I fell flat on my face. (you are expected to glide off, having learned to do so prior to trying the mountain) They straped the board to my feet, and off we went. I made it about ten feet before falling and busting my ass. Jumped up, and kept going for about... ten more feet. The board was all wrong. One of the people convienently pointed out the fact that I balanced like a person who should be using a goofy board, or, as medical science calls them "Left handed people". God. I fell all the way down that mountain. Ass landings, arm landings, head landings, propeller landings. (fall flat while the board keeps chopping through the snow like a propeller, wrenching your body around, almost snapping your ribs) Knee landings. Oh sweet mother of mercy, the knee landings. I gained a lot of respect though. "Oh Adam! You're so brave! Most new snowbarders are too scared to go fast!" FOOLS! I was going fast because nobody could teach me how to go slow, and on top of that, every time I tried to stop, I would fall. I landed so hard on my back one time, my balls left a dent in the hard packed snow. I lay there cupping my jewels while gleeful Japanese people wizzed all around me. I made it to the bottom alive, and switched my board for a goofy. Back to the slopes! This one met with more success. Smoother right from the start. Now all I needed to do was learn how to stop. Now, although the falls were not coming so frequently, the first round had taken it's toll. About halfway down the slope, I fell hard on my knees and felt something in the right one pop. Pop. That is a scary fucking feeling, when you're wondering if you've just done something permanent to your tender joints. Only one way off the mountain though, and that was on my board. I sat for a min, then got up and went at it again. It was here though that I learned my distinctive profile style, the Spyderman stance. Crouch on your board in a coke dealer stance, or like Spiderman on top of a building. Go really fast with your arms outstreched going "Spiderman! Spiderman!" Trust me, Japanese people love this one. I made it to the bottom, and my knee was aching like a bastard, so I was gonna call it quits. Went to go sit down and smoke, and in ran across this girl who had come with us. She was like "One more time?" Now. What can you do? Turn punk? Hell naw! Back to the slopes, back to the slopes. One final time for all the marbles. The third one was the best yet, although early in I fell on my knee, to excruciating pain. So much pain in fact, that for the second fall I resolved to land on my ass instead. I missed, and landed on my head, nearly giving myself a concussion. I made the last part of the course without falling though, and actually brought my board to a clean stop. Bent down, unbuckled and it was over. Fun though, a lot of fun. It was only at the end that I truly realized what the true meaning of snowboarding is though. Chicks. I was standing there talking with my friends, leaning on my board, in all my gear, when this group of fine ass chicks walked by giving me the serious eye. Lets do the math. I'm reasonably young. Reasonably handsome. And the SOLE GAIJIN SNOWBOARDER out that day. If I could speak Japanese I could have knocked 'em down with a finger. I was about to try anyway, but my friends came and dragged me to the bus. Got in a smowball fight with a bunch of Japanese people, and went to an Onsen (Natural hot spring) Now, Japan can really screw with your head. Here I am, thinner then I have ever been since I was 14yrs old, in an Onsen with some 74 year old guys, and I'm comin across like Jabba the Hutt. Oh well, it was a lot of fun. Learned a new word to, Itai, which means ache or pain or something like that. But that is a story for next time kids, tenativly titled "Trip to the Welfare Clinic". Sorry about the delay, I'll try not to let it go so long. Kinda nice to be back though...

Lately

2006-01-17T13:09:00.000+09:00

Ok, not much of interest has been happening in the dirty dirty Nihon lately. There were a couple of nice things though. 1. Sensei came to Japan! My Japanese teacher from university came to visit Japan, and to prepare for the school trip this summer. The trip looks fantastic, and I think I'm gonna take a few days off and travel with them for a bit. That's in the future though, the great thing was to see her again. I mean, this is the kind of teacher that inspires you, that makes you want to make something of yourself, so that you can show your new bad self off and say "see, all the faith you had in me was not missplaced." We went for dinner in Shinjuku, and it was great. Had a great time telling stories and reminiscing, and talking about the future. She also brought along my boy Shaun, who was the second half of all the Gaijinzilla/Mothra-kun jackassery. This guy and I changed the shape of Japanese class TO THIS DAY, and now we're both here in Japan. Awesome. For those of you who havn't seen any pics of me lately, according to sensei, I look better, thinner and happier than I have in years. So... That's good. In other news, I went out for dinner the other night with Shinji and Jun, and a whole bunch of other people from Embocca. We were eating some traditional meal, I can't remember the name, which consists of grilling up large amounts of entrails, stomachs, toungues, squid, fish, etc. Verry In-teresting... The meat was tasty, but a bit chewey for my taste. We were drinking beer and shochu, and I learned a nice trick about holding a lit smoke between my thumb and forefinger. We have conclusively proven that my Japanese becomes better the more I drink, because at the beginning of the night I wasn't using it at all, but by the end of it I was having conversations and making jokes. Kind of cool, but I wish I could use it sober. After that we went to Karaoke, where I was the sole one representing for all the non asians in the crew. (There was a korean there too) Now, alot of the guys in this crew have a strong liking for Okinawan things. Musical instruments, food, style, you get the picture. Alot of the songs that were getting sung were Okinawan blues, and during the song, the non singers would be accompanying with some Okinawan chant, my man Shacho (boss) leading the way. The guys part would be something that sounded like "usu. usu. usu" and then at a certain part the girls would join in real high piched with this "Ya sa! sa!" real quick and high pitched. It was the hot shit. When I started singing "Sex Machine", I had one guy helping me out with the back up vocals, and everybody else was doing the chant, with sick timing that actually worked well with the song. It was awesome. Cool feeling to be laying it down with some strange "Okinawan Soul-funk"... I guess the only other thing of interest is that tomorrow, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna go see a sumo match. Keep you posted,

Nighttime in the God House

2006-01-04T18:34:00.000+09:00

Ok, here at long last is one of my personal favorite moments of Henry's trip. I probably won't tell it as well as I would have if I had written it in a timely manner, but what can you do.

One night near the middle of Henry's trip, we were sitting in Embocca drinking and talking with Shinji and Jun. We were trying to think of interesting things for Henry to do when I went back to work, when Shinji comes up with a great idea. "Nighttime in the God House!" (This is an exact quote) Turns out that on the next friday night, there was to be a large 24 hour festival at the big shrine in the big town next door. It was a festival in which shop owners and businessmen would go to give thanks for the previous year's business, and to pray for more success next year. The only problem? It started at midnight, and I had work the next day at ten. We made tenitive plans to go, and then burnt out. Now, our plans were to go at two in the morning to the shrine with Shinji and Jun, and then come back after about an hour or so, giving me several hours of sleep. The thursday before we were to do this ended up being crazy, so crazy in fact that it's censored. Suffice it to say, I was up all night, engaged in persuits of a dubious nature. I woke up at 5pm the next day, went out to get some food and make my rounds. Went back to sleep for a couple of hours, because wether or not I planned to be home by 4, we all know how long plans last after the first shot is fired. Ran up in Embocca at 2am, and Shinji was laughing as he offered me a "Breakfast Guinness." Now, the place was jumping, and I could tell we were not gonna get out of there at 2am. Shinji and June were real apologetic, but hey, business is business, and I wasn't really expecting them to kick out paying customers. Downside was, it was getting later, and Shinji kept giving me drinks. We got out of there at 3:30, and they wouldn't let Henry or I pay our bill. We caught a cab to the shrine, and met up with Kazu, his girl and some other guy. Now, I've gotta tell you that this was an experence. Walking through a row of quick put up stands, along a long path leading to a shrine, taking little hit's of hot one cup,(Cheap Sake) our breath misting in the freezing December air. They also gave us this weird sweet barly drink, malted grain and sake. I knew I had no business being there with one of the busiest work days ahead of me, but I knew this was a once in a lifetime chance. Henry and I were THE ONLY FORIGNERS THERE. Normally I wouldn't dare walk so boldly into what so ovbiously was the real deal, but if my Japanese friends were cool with it, so was I. It was wild too, because most of the businesses represented there were either bar owners, hookers or gangsters. Lots and lots of gangsters. I first realized this when Jun ran into me trying to get out of the way of this evil looking cat in a real expensive suit. Along the way we came to the offering section, where people could buy the basket/wreaths filled with all sorts of offerings. Sake/gold, etc. Kazu pointed out a few to me that cost about 10 man, ($1000 U.S) and then showed us a few that cost 100 man. (You do the math) We went into the temple and gave thanks for the business we had had the the business we hoped to get, and threw in some offerings. Outside Kazu bought little protective charms as a gift for Henry and I. (Oh! Henry! Kazu sends his regards, and says that he had a great time meeting you) We were heading for the food booths, when we came across a large group of thuggish looking fellows buying one of the big offerings. Shinji motioned to us to look at them closely, saying it was our one chance to do so. We finaly left to go get some food, and after sitting down, my friends started trying to explain what we had seen. Kazu was like "This is a good chance to see everyone you don't normally see. Hostesses, gayboys, gangsters..." Shinji was even more clear. "That guy? Only once a year can you see him. (City Omitted) big time assassian" I think what he was trying to tell me is that even the hitmen come out on this one night to pray for more business, ordanarily if we saw him in his professional capacity it's trouble. They really got a kick of seeing this guy. We went on eating this dogey festival food and drinking beer, and it had somehow become 5am. I think Henry was having a good time, but he was looking at me like I was crazy. It was a once in a lifetime shot though, and really something I wanted to do and thought Henry sould do. Finally, Shinji was like, we have to go take Adam and Henry home now, and Kazu was like "Your're not taking it to the next level?" Shinji looked sad, and was like, "No, Adam has work." I could tell he wanted to go. Badly. The only reason he was leaving was because of me, and so in one of those moments in which friendships become even stronger (or someone's being an idiot) I slammed down my beer. "Let's take it to the next level." Man, the look on Shinji's face was great, like a stay of execution. "Really?!" Then he shut down when Jun punched him. "No, we have to take you home." I was like "I'm a grown ass man, and this happens once a year. Issyo ni, let's take it to the next level. By the way, what's the next level?" My man Kazu, who had been pushing Shinji to go just shook his head and pointed at me. "Cool" he said, "So cool but foolish..." Turns out the next level was to go meet Shinji's old friends and assorted bar owners for a drink. We bail up in the spot, and I won't lie my brothers, I was feeling a little nervous about the lateness of the hour. We walk into this bar which was only open for the private party we were going to, and get introduced to the whole table. Strangely enough, I already new some of the guys from previous partys and whatnot. Shinji asked what we wanted to drink, and Henry and I both ordered beer. Shinji was like, "Well, you have work so it's ok, but normaly for this special occasion we drink Nihonshu... (Japan liquor, better known as Sake) "Oh really?" I said, "Then looks like we're drinking Nihonshu. Gimme some o' that 6am sake!" (That's what time it was by then)Man, I got the all balls award for that one lemme tell you. (From both the Japanese and the Americans) Shinji was so pleased. We were drinking sake together and he was talking about how he was so pleased to have met me and that we were indeed true friends. Henry was making friends over in the corner with this one cat, who was challenging him to drink new and strange things. All in all it was a real good time and an experence to remember. We left the bar and caught a taxi and got back to the house in broad daylight. Not dawn, past dawn. Jun restated her desire to take me with them up to Niigata for skiing and snowboarding, and after many thanks, Henry and I stumbled off. Knocked out for about two hours, then woke myself up, hit the showers and went to work. Just to be a jackass, I kicked Henry awake and was like "This is how we handle biz in the Nihon." I think he was shocked that I was mobile and in a dress shirt and tie. Another flawless day and went out again that night. H.D.P FOOL, WHAT!
Good times.
In other news, I'm gonna tone it down a notch for a little while. My winter vacation has my nerves all strung out and my stomach all jacked up. Too much rich food and alchohol...

Monkey Dance

2006-01-04T18:03:00.000+09:00

Ok, first a bit of back biz. I got another one of the Henry trip posts up, but because I started it a couple of weeks ago, it shows up a few blogs back. Also, on the girls I met in Roppongi front, it's not looking so good for me. Josh's girl wrote him back, they're meeting on Sat. Remember how I went for the hard pick? Well, it was a hard pick. I forgot to get an e-mail address for the girls phone, so I can only send small messages, and I'm not sure if she got the one I sent her. I haven't heard a reply. Today I decided to go all balls and call her, but there are a few problems. See, Japanese is a bitch. Especially over the phone. Extra difficult if you are leaving a message. Why did I try to leave a message in Japanese? Because I'm an idiot. Anyway, I got flustered and left what had to be the stupidest phone message in history. "Telephone number please call..." God, I wouldn't call myself back. Oh well, win some lose some. Lucky for me, I picked up a spare at the new years party...
So, New years we bailed up into the spot. It was looking dead, real dead. Josh and I were wondering if we had made a bad choice of venue for the evening. My man Danny was putting it down too, had a table of girls within 10 min. I realized then that my drinking tolerance is way too high, it would have taken me most of the night to get as drunk as he was after just a few. I'm not hatin' though, much respect. Things started to pick up after a little bit, and the night was looking up. This one girl I had really wanted to talk to for a while had come through the way, and we were chatting. She speaks really good english, and she was busy telling me how much she loves the sound of American accents. Then I got cock blocked. By two other girls. They came with the straight assult, "I want to talk to you for a min." Now, I should have given them the immedeate brush off, but I'm just too nice of a guy. So, one girl is giving me the intro speech as to how she wants to speak english and practice conversation with native speakers, and I'm busy tugging on Josh's pants leg to try to get him to handle them. Turn back to the girl I was talking to and POOF! She's gone. Found her a half an hour later talking with some other guy, and couldn't get next to her until she was leaving with him. I was like "We never got to dance," and she was like "You got picked up." No, actually I hadn't, but the damage was done. Oh well, back to the dance floor. We laid it down, dancing untill we all thought we were gonna have heart attacks. They played House of Pain! On the floor, on the podiums, with strangers and friends of all kinds. I spent much of the evening dancing with the girl who blocked me, and got her number as she was leaving. Already wrote her and she responded gratifyingly quickly, so I'm gonna try for coffee. Sorry, What I meant to say is :

Honourable members of the H.D.P - I as president am announcing a fact finding mission to ascertain the diplomatic status of a recently contacted nation. While at this moment we have no definite plans of invasion, paticularly in light of other ongoing diplomatic negotiations, we feel that in a time of crisis, we cannot in good concience neglect out of hand any friendly overtures from other nations.

Ok, I'm back. Sorry about that, but the house committee has been breathing down my neck for a formal report. Anyway, I had a good time on New Years, and tomorrow I'm going back to work. In a strange way I'm actually looking foward to it. Not in the sense that I enjoy work, but in the sense that if I don't get off the street, I'm gonna kill myself with all this high living. That's all for now, I'm gonna go try to write another Henry trip blog.

Last Night

2005-12-30T18:04:00.000+09:00

We're coming up on it, so HAPPY NEW YEARS EVE EVE!

Ok, in the last post, Ashema admonished me to live fearlessly in the next year. I'm already off to a good start. Last night I assembled a crew of fine fellows (Neighbor Danny, Josh and Uriah) and we headed into the big city. We wandered around bookstores before finding A BIG MENS SHOE SHOP!. Now, I never really understood how people could go nuts over shoes before, but it all becomes so clear. I was up in there fondling shoes like I was some kind of pervert, and my friends were too, so we're gonna go back on monday. After that we met up with Ryan, and headed of this mexican resturant he had been to before. Off the chain my friends, mabye not so good to you, but to those of us in the Nihon, mexican dosn't come our way too often. We had a big pitcher of margaritas, several appetizers and a main course, and while I might have had a problem with paying a large bill before, now that I live in Japan it's just common. The bill came to two hundred and fifty dollars, and we paid it all without a blink. Then it was off to Roppongi, to go clubbing. Now, most long term forigners avoid Roppongi like the plague, because it's filled with forigner trash. I kind of liked it. We rolled up in the club, I'm wearin a long john shirt with the "I see the Assassins have failed" t-shirt over it and a winter cap with a green clover placed at the calculated angle off my left eye. (I actually had girls ask me if I was half Japanese, it really accentuated my narrow eyes) Anyway, there were two floors, hip hop downstairs and trance upstairs. My boys were dancing, and Uriah and I were scanning for chicks. Uriah was doing good, but the rest of us weren't having much success. We were watching ths hammered gaijin chick fall all over the floor, and then looking to the side, I saw three Japanese girls standing there doing the little half dance. (Side of the dance floor, "I'm not really sure enough to dance" dance) There was one wild one with the most curves, one really pretty girl who looked really Japanese but kind of shy, and the... unpretty one. I'm not trying to be harsh, but that's how it was. Fuck it. I rolled up on 'em and was like "You came to dance, but you're not dancing? Why not?" Josh claims I said "You're not dancing. Dance." They kind of gestured to the dance floor like there was no room, and I grinned at them. "Just clear a space." THe wild one was like, "Ok, let's clear it together." Boom. I jumped up on the floor, and started dancing backwards, and the girls followed. After dancing for a min, I learned that the girls prefered the Techno floor, so we went upstairs to do a little more dancing. Got the names, and then my boys came along for the ride. Man, I'm not trying to sound conceted, but I was running that show. The girls weren't that confident of dancers, so to keep things exciting, I would do all sorts of dances. I got two main ones. The "Big fish, little fish", and what I think of as the "Geronimo Saki Donkey Kong stomp". They were eating it up. I'd do other stuff too, like take it to the floor, and then have the girls do it, or motion a girl in with my hands and then tell to push back. All kind of jackass stuff. Music would downbeat, I'd stop dancing in the middle of the floor and just start relaxing. Girls would look at me and I'd be like "Just wait for it." Sit for a min more, just doing a little minimal dance to keep the beat, and when they looked, tap my watch and say "Mada." (not yet) Music would hit and I be back on full speed. Loads of fun. I was dancing with them all, but gravitating to the pretty shy one. At one of the breaks, so that the girls could sit, and I could drink another black russian and smoke a cig, my man josh was like "The UN needs to come to a decision, mabye start divying up territories." Now, I hadn't really been thinking of dividing my attentions, but it kind of made sense. After all, we had come to meet girls, and if I kept on the way I was, I was gonna be blocking my peoples. I was that on. Well, as it standed, both Josh and Danny were trying to talk to the wild one, she was not at all shy, and she spoke english. Being gaijinzilla, or the Gun Cracker as I'm known in these parts, I didn't opt for the easy choice. I decided in a moment to go for the shy pretty one with not so much english. (Tomo) Ah well, it might have been foolish, but I was feeling confident. Back to the dance floor. We're all kickin it, and Danny is holding it down with the wild one. Josh was trying to get in, and I was dancing with two girls, Tomo and her friend. I noticed Tomo doing this little hand wave dance that looked kind of traditional, like she wasn't sure how to dance so she was rolling with what she knew. I got her to teach me, and we danced on. All of a sudden though, I got into a war. This Japanese guy rolls up behind Tomo and kind of puts her hands on her shoulders and starts trying to dance with her. We looked at each other, and he kind of grinned. Ok. So I gave him a second to run while I danced with her friend, and then then I was back in the fight. He started whispering in her ear, no doubt something like "Why are you dancing with this goofey forigner." The next song came on, and it was some weird techno verson of Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer" Switched it to high gear, and because I knew the song, I knew the beat, and because I knew the beat, I killed him. By the climax of the end of the song, I had two different girls holding my hands, went for the fist punch in the air (De Regiur in Japanese dance clubs) and when I looked down, scrappy doo was gone like he was never there. Case closed. Did I get them digits? Of course I did. Had a dangerous moment though, right after I got them, I spilled my drink down the front of my jeans. Kind of embarassing, but I don't think it's a deal breaker. Anyway, made our goodbyes, and then out to the street for the 5am donner kebab. It was a good night. Had a good time. Not so good as Uriah though, he was collecting numbers, but I'm really only now coming into my own, I still need to learn how to get some numbers and then keep rolling to the next in the same club. Next time. Tomorrow night is the MONKEY DANCE COUNTDOWN PARTY! Should be fun.
Laters,

Christmas

2005-12-27T17:48:00.000+09:00

Well, I had a great Christmas. It would have been nicer if I could have been with friends and family, but what can ya do. I made it good. I went into work on CHristmas eve, wearing a santa claus hat. We started playing christmas albums, like the Tony and Trish cut, and then we switched it up to a little mambo. (I should tell you that I've become addicted to Jazz and Mambo music) Like a maniac, I began dancing around the place, calling myself Warui Santa (Bad Santa) and telling the female teacher I was dancing with that I had a bag of toys for bad little girls. The staff loved it. That night I was singing christmas carols up in Shinji's bar. I'm not the only one who thought I was a bad santa, I heard some giggling girls call me that when they saw me drinking on the train. The next night I went back to the bar for the Christmas party, but I had to leave early to go to a Christmas dinner thrown by my good friends Andy and Kelsie. It was off the chain. Now, it may not seem like much to you, but you have to keep in mind that I'm in Japan. I had broccli soup, fried chicken and mashed potatos. To drink? Oh, to drink. I had wine, port, fine cheese and eggnogg. EGGNOGG! Do you have any idea how hard it is to get eggnogg in Japan? The total of drinks consumed on Christmas is : Two Whiskey and warters, three beers, champaigne, four bottles of wine (shared with other people) Two glasses of port, and a couple of eggnoggs with a generous helping of brandy. I was still drunk when I woke up the next morning. ANyway, that was my last day on the job. Now I'm on a weeks holiday, and while I really havnt done anything of note so far, I don't intend to waste it. Therefore, tonite me and my roommate will storm the Tokizzle, to meet my friend Oli, who is planning what he calls "A Biggie"... Now, you don't know him, but the words "Oli" "Tokyo" "Biggie" in any combination involving two of the words inspires terror and images of Jackassery, mayhem and deportation in the minds of those in the know. There are many words for what we intend. Searching for Oishimonos, (My term) Playing the Girl Hunt. (As Shinji would say) or as the old Japan hands put it "Shopping for Long Haired Dictionaries..." Should be fun. FOr New Years I'm going to a countdown party with the local Nihonjin for what they call "The Japanese Monkey Dance". At some point I hope to finish the stories of Henry's trip. For now, I have a train to catch. Keep you posted

Pleasures of Tokyo/Idiots in Nikko

2005-12-23T21:24:00.000+09:00

Ok, I'm gonna have to step up the ball on this one if I'm gonna be able to finish telling you about Henry's trip. I'm backlogged on blogs, and the holiday season has me running. Anyway, Henry's second night we took him out to a Christmas party thrown by Shinji. We ate a lot of food at the place they had booked, and from there we went to karaoke. Now, to a first timer fresh over from the world, karaoke is crazy. Hank didn't realize three things. 1. Nomihodi means all you can drink. 2. We drink a lot. (as an example of the dangers of one and two, I will tell you that I went to karoke a week or so with some friends, and we drank a pitcher and a half of WHISKEY. I mean, it was watered down, and there were seven of us, but still...) 3. We are all possibly insane. So, Henry got the special treat of watching a quad country fighting force of drunks, (Aus, Eng, U.S., Japan) sing in non-existent harmony. The next day we hit Tokyo, and I took him to Ueno and the Sensoji temple in Asakusa. Then we had sushi from one of those rotating sushi joints. THe next day was even more fun. All the way around the Imperial Palace on foot, and into the gardens, then off to the geek and neon capital Akihabara, then out for soba at some great soba resturant. As a sad note, I lost my Moleskien war journal and my Tokyo guidebook somewhere along the way, but as a happy note, it has been returned to me. (The Kanda Soba people found it, with my Japanese teachers card tucked inside, and mailed it to her.) After the soba it was off to Shinjuku to look out the 45th level of the government building's lounge/observatory. From there we went to Shinjuku's west side, the Kabuki-cho (Sleaze central) where Henry got to watch me fend of a never ending line of pimps and stripclub touts. (I'm quite proud, 1 asian and 7 Nigerians fended off in a 5 min walk, and I never used the same excuse twice.) Then it was back to the local bars for a few decompression drinks. Ok. Catch your breath. The next day it was off to Nikko, described by Shinji as the "Heart of Japan". Apparantly one of the regional specialties is Yuuba, which is somehow derived from soybeans. Accordingly, my friend Kazu (of the infamous scooter incident) supplied me with two idiot notes written in Japanese. He wouldn't tell me what was on them, but one was to be given to a random person I found (Presumably for directions) and the other was to be given to the person at the resturant. So, warned by my friends of the shocking Nikko cold, and cautioned by my students to watch out for ravenous snow monkeys, we set off. Now, this was not my finest moment. The trip took longet than I thought, and we didn't arraive in Nikko untill about 1:30, and the shrine complex we had come to see was closing at four. (So we thought) I paused to check my guidebook, and we missed the bus to the shrine, which left us with a 2 kilometer walk up hill in the drizzling, freezing mist. I was pissed. We got to the shrine, only to learn that the shrine had switched to winter hours, which left us with one and a half hours to do as much as the complex as we could. It turned out ok though. We walked through, and I will tell you that Nikko is impressive no matter when you come. Then, the best thing happened. Up near the top, in one of my favorite parts of the complex, the bitter cold finaly turned the constant drizzle into a beautiful snowfall. We got to walk back through the whole complex taking pics of the fabulous buildings covered in the fast falling snow. It was awesome. Then I gave the first of my idiot notes to the only person I could, one of the monks cartaking the complex. He directed me to a resturant in an ominous snickering manner. "By the yubinkyoku...we can find the Yuuba cafe..." I'll admit I made a funny sight though, I would walk up, get their attention in Japanese and then hand them this note. Anyway, we made it to the cafe, with what must be the most unfriendly cafe lady in existence. I gave her the second idiot note, and fell into conversation with a magazine writer who was sampling the yuuba for her magazine. Took the most ghetto train line I have ever been on back home, then had another night out drinking...

The First Few Nights

2005-12-18T20:26:00.000+09:00

As I sit down to write this, I'm getting into the Christmas/New Years sprit by freezing my balls off in my uninsulated apartment, listening to "Hawaiian Christmas" off the most sought after cut this year, THE annual Tony and Trish Holiday Album. You guys ROCK! Thank you so much for remembering me over here. For those not in the know, this one is the 4th installment, and it's just not the holidays without it. To business though. What you all are tuning in for is no doubt for strange stories regarding the trip of our very own test monkey, Henry. We (or at least I) had a great time. But to begin. When Henry arrived, I was a little drunk. Some of my friends at the firm had decided to wait with me for him to arrive in Omiya. We finally got the call, and proceded to the station. As I walked, I was excited and a little nervous. My first friendly face from home. I think Henry and I saw each other at the same time, although he looked quite different, you can't miss a childhood friend. According to him I look much different from the last time he saw my, what gave it away was my swagger, and the fact that I was NOT JAPANESE. You gotta understand, this station was packed with Nihonjin, which can be a little startling to someone fresh over from THE WORLD. Now, when a man is reeling from first contact and strung out from jet lag, there's only one thing you can do for him. Get him a drink. We all do our first night. My neighbors gave me a beer, we gave Josh whiskey, and I know another guy who had his first at an abandoned building near the train tracks. Trust me on this, a drink makes the strangness that much cooler. Fortunatly for Henry, I took him to a more upscale place. Embocca, Shinji's bar. Now, they were happy to meet him, throwing out the welcome and quickly pouring him a beer. Then the fun started. First Shinji came up with this huge pickled plum, put it on a plate, and offered it to Henry. "Try it" he said "It's good." Henry ate it like a trooper with a straight face even though those things are really sour and tart. That impressed the locals to no end, so Shinji gave him a present. A plate of mini pickled squids, and a glass of high grade sake to go with it. Henry was a little dubious, but I told him that giving traditionally strange foods to forigners is a common way of welcoming someone and testing how low their balls hang. Hell, I've been here six months, and it still happens to me. Mmmmmm. Grasshoppers pickled in soy sauce and sugar. Anyway, Shinji told him to eat a squid and chase it with a sip of sake, a Henry did it, to much acclaim. Henry was hungry, so Shinji started listing off his menu. "Do you want beef?" Shinji asked. Henry started visibly salivating. "Is it good? Is it traditional?" Shinji smilled. "Oh yes, delicious, and very traditional, made with the best quality stomach and entrails..." Even I turned a little white, so we setteled for getting Henry some gyoza, which all forigners love. A couple more beers, and the rest of the squid, and Henry was well on his way to accecptance, although rapidly crashing out. We had to beg of letting Shinji opening some champagne to welcome him, but we settled it by promising to do it another night. Josh and I promptly took him to the Don, to look at the bananna pants and get him a towel, and then it was home to bed. Henry still looked a little shell shocked, and I think he was wondering how he was gonna keep up if we were describing some sake, squid heads and four or five beers as a calm evening. I had to get up early though, so we called it a night. The next day Henry ended up wandering around Tokyo with Josh, but I was busy working to finance my rockstar lifestyle, so I don't know all about that. Anyway, I gotta go to bed now so I'll post again later.

The Correct Mindset

2005-12-14T19:38:00.000+09:00

So on the last day, Henry finaly got it. I mean, he had been great, storming all the walls, drinking (most of) the drinks, and eating every strange thing put in front of him. He was a little wild about the eyes the first couple of days, but he rapidly adjusted. I had the feeling that certain behavioral aspects of me and mine were some what inexplicable though. Ok, I'll be honest, there were a couple of nights where he thought we were insane. He joined us though. Oh yes. On the last night, crammed into a smokey karaoke booth with three austrailians, one english guy and me, I could see it happen. It was nomihodai, so we were drinkin' hard, but Henry was draining drinks faster then almost everyone. The music was screeching, fit to make your ears bleed. Henry was blinking, then twitching, then he stopped. And the Gaijin in Nihon Sprit finally took him. All at once he started jumping up and down on the couch while screeching like a monkey and banging a tamboreen against his crotch while singing a duet with the english guy. Me and my roomie just sat back and laughed. LAUGHED! It was great. So I think he had a good trip. He went out with my roommate Josh a couple of times, so I wasn't there to see all of it, but trust me, I've got more than enough ammo for a few blogs, in fact it's to much for just one blog. I debate as to their division though. Tenativly, their titles are

"The First Few Days"
"A Tokyo Whirlwind"
"Nikko, A Tale of Two Idiots"
"A Failed All Nighter (Censored)"
"Nighttime in the God House"

Hmm. So what do you think? Chronological order or does anyone have a special request? I think I'm gonna do them in order, and they'll probably follow pretty quick on the heels of one another, but if you have a comment to post, don't wait for the story to end. The more I know you wants, the more I's gonna give...

Psycho Muppets in Japan

2005-12-01T11:35:00.000+09:00

p1010019-1
Originally uploaded by Daimushi.

His pics are up people click this one and take a look at his photo stream!

Night in TOKIZZLE, spendin too much, Arrg

2005-11-25T21:24:00.000+09:00

Ok, the other night I went to a jazz night alone and unsupported. I had a good time. Because I was seated with a bunch of Japanese people who didn't speak much english, I was forced to rely more on Japanese. Interesting. Turns out the place I went was also a Karaoke parlor, and one of the girls who worked there found out I'm a karoke junky. She kept trying to get me to sing, and finaly I agreed to provided one of the guys I was hanging out with came up and sang too. We decided to do "Hey Jude". We got up there to sing, but no words came up for me to read, so I had to give a rough aproxomation. I think the best part was on the "na, na na, na na na na..." part. I held out the mic and got the whole bar singing along. Next day, stromed Tokyo at night with my roommate Josh. We headed in at about 10:00 pm, debating as to our destination. Cool, Hip, Shibuya or dogey Roppongi. We ended up going to Shibuya to meat up with this other guy who was doing an all nighter at a club he said was great. Went to a series of bars first, no of which were much good. Then we proceded to the club in question, this palace called the "Atom" Now, I'll admit it. I am officially too old for a techno club. THe whole flashing lights, throbbing "Utsu. Utsu. Utsu. Utsu. thudaddaddadadadadadadadadadu" all with the flashing lights is not my bag. Next time I'm wearing a suit and going to a jazz club, it's much more my speed. Oh I danced alright, I'm just not sure that the club was worth a 2000 yen cover charge. Dancing wise, I just did like the british boys and made boxes with my hands (For some reason, that's how all britons dance) Had a brief touch and go moment when this Japanese guy and I started making hand fakes at each other, and I accidently hit him (Lightly). He started to raise up, but I was able to cool it off. Anyway, we left the club at about four in the morning, and proceded to wander in search of the train station. Lots of shady stuff going on in Shibuya at 4 in the morning. Girl approaches us "You wanna massage?" We tell her no thanks and go into this combini to get smokes. Come out, same girl is like "Good massage, blow job" Said it real quick like she didn't want to make a big deal of it. We said no and kept stroling, and the same thing happened mabye three of four more times in the length of about a football field. That's not counting the others who started to propose that we dodged. Caught the first train, head pounding, and went to sleep. Changed trains, headed for home and went back to sleep. Josh woke me up when we got to our home station, so we left and went home. Crashed out till 4 this afternoon, woke up and horror of horrors, realized that I lost my cell phone. It's not in my pants or coat, and I remember checking it before I got on the train. Must have silpped out when I was sleeping. Now, this really sucks. Really really sucks. My whole life was on that phone. All my phone numbers, etc. I can get the numbers back from my friends in the firm, but many of the interesting Japanese people and or girls who's numbers I got are now lost. Even worse, all my organization is lost, Days and times and locations I work are all gone. Day's I'm off for swaps? Gone. Places I work for other people? Gone. Partys I'm supposed to go to? Gone. I have two options if nobody finds my phone. I can get a new phone, with a new number, which is slightly cheaper, but to do that I have to cancel my old contract and start a new one, which costs a bundle for the cancelation. My other option is to buy a new phone and have the old number transfered. This is not a cheap option, it will run me aprox 15000 yen, which amounts to about $150 US. THis is shaping up to be an expensive month...

up to no good

2005-11-23T17:58:00.000+09:00

Quick update:

Still drinking, eating grasshoppers too. Tonite I will storm yet another blues and jazz nite, this one put on by the drummer from the time I sang. I know no one aside from him, and no reinforcements are coming...

Hidey ho!

Shinji's B-Day/Tokyo with a hangover

2005-11-09T18:08:00.000+09:00

Ok, so the other night I got a message from my roommate telling me that there was a suprise party for Shinji at his bar. So, needing a gift on short notice I went to the Don and ended up getting him some movies, the Anamatrix and the Wild Bunch. Most of the time when the movies play at Shinji's, there's no sound so I wanted to get movies that would be entertaining, even with no sound save for the jazz music playing in the background. Took em bact to the crib and Danny boy wrapped them. He didn't want to go though, he wasn't feeling too hot, and he had a new game to play. My other roomie was a bit low on the funds, so I set out solo with my gifts in my bag. Got there, and the place was slowly filling up. I think Shinji suspected something, because anytime a large group of your friends shows up you have to wonder, but that's not really uncommon. People who didn't know about the suprise kept coming in and bringing him small gifts though. Anyway, I ended up in a really interesting conversation about American foreign policy with this one guy who speaks really good english. Finally it was gift time. Everybody reached into their bags/purses/pockets and we all pulled out our gifts at once. He was suprised. I think he was really suprised when he saw that I had a gift as well as everyone else, after all, I hadn't known him that long, and I don't speak Japanese, so me finding out about the party was a shocker. ANyway, to express his thanks and glee, Shinji gave the bar (It was all friends) one of those frosty cold bottles of Tequilla I mentioned in an earlier post. To go with it he gave us a frosty cold bottle of Captain Morgan... Ouch. Now, as you all know, in America, when someone pours you a shot you down it in one. So I did. In Japan they sip, but the ability to shoot hard liquor is a respected skill. So much so that some of the people poured me another shot and asked me to do it again. So I did. Than again. So I was well in by this time, and we kept drinking. Finished the Jose, finished the Morgan, then on to some rice based liquor. (NOT SAKE) When one of my friends (Kazu) gave it to me he was like, "We're screwed, this shit is dangerous) He didn't say this all in english of course, because once again I was rocking it out as the lone snowflake. So that's how I spent the evening. Posing for strange pictures, frequently with a gun lighter that someone had given Shinji. Finally at about four in the morning we all left. I was drunk. Really, really drunk. I said my goodbyes then started weaving down the middle of the street. (My town is real quiet at four am) I heard a scooter coming so I weaved to the side of the road, but the scooter headed right for me. Then I heard laughter. It was my man Kazu, with his hottie girlfriend on the back. They buzzed me, him laughing, her flashing the peace sign. I laughed long and hard, my voice chasing them so they would know I thought it was funny. I kept walking, and then a min later, here came the scooter again. Kazu busted a U, stopped and his girlfriend patted the back of the seat behind her, telling me to get on. So I did. Kazu took off like a bat outta hell, screaming down the street. We shot past my street, heading for one of my friends houses, and then Kazu made a beeline for a large tree, acting like we were gonna crash then breaking fast at the last min. We're all laughing, the scooter finally stops with a massive jerk, and my drunk ass (along with his girlfriend) fell off. I'm laying there in the street cracking up like drunken idiot, his girlfriend is laughing but rubbing her ass from the bump, and Kazu's waliking around doubled over laughing. I weave to my feet, bow goodnight, and weave home. Come in at four thirty stumbling around the house, kicking things over and running in to walls. Tell dan the story, run into a few more things and go to bed about five or five thirty. Wake up at ten with a massive hangover and the realization that I'd made plans to go to Tokyo with friends. Now, left to my own devices, even on a good day I won't make it out of bead, but I had made plans so I dragged my self up. (Still drunk) Went to Tokyo, head pounding, had a great french meal, tried to chat up a Canadian girl and then went to an art show and a history of crime in Japan museum. It was a good, abiet painful day...

Halloween

2005-11-04T01:06:00.000+09:00

Ok, so the other day it was Halloween. To make a long story short, I and some of my associates decided that it was time to give back to Japan a little of the surreal life that Japan gives us every day. Yes, that's right, we dressed up. To be honest, it is rather hard to find a costume in Japan cut to fit a man of my size, so we went to the Don. Perhaps you may recall the Don from a previous post, truly one of the greatist stores in existence. Cheap booze, Shinto car decorations, skeezy people and open late. (When you need some hot pants with a bannana sticking up from the crotch at 2:00 am, now you know were to go) A friend and I went and bought costumes, well actually large creature pajamas. He bought an anime cat outfit (Doraiman) and at the urging of some local girls I bought (pause for effect) Elmo. Yes, Sesame Street Elmo. I gave it a test run by leaning off a balcony and saying good evening to a passing stranger, and he almost crashed his bike. Although the party we were going too was several stops away by train, do you honestly think that we're the sort of men to take our costumes to the party and then change? Of course not. Therefore, the night before Halloween, we suited up for war, armed ourselves with whiskey and set out for the station. Wow. That's all I've got to say. You better believe we got a reaction when the train doors opened and we jumped in like pair of mad gaijin. There was this pause for breath, and then all the camera phones came out en masse. (Oh, the fact that I had been doing a little high steppin dance on the platform, and came on the train struttin probably helped get a little attention. Cries of "Doraimon! Elmo!" went up. There was another round of laughter/appaluse/picture taking when we broke out the whiskey and started drinking. My friend proposed that we move to another car to share the love, and then I did him one better. I suggested that he remain in the car we were riding while at the next stop I would leap out, run down two train car lengths and then re-board the train. We would then enter the middle car at opposite ends via the doors linking the trains, and meet in the middle. Next stop, it all went to plan, I successfully made it to the proper car, turned to the door and found myself confronted with a small Japanese boy staring open mouthed at me from the car which I was about to enter. What could I do? I pantomimed suprise and glee as seeing him, smiled real big and waved. Then I did a little dance. The adults around me loved it, even the kids mom was cracking up. I pointed behind him to try to get him to look for my friend, but he was hanging back untill I entered the car. Soooo, I slowly opened the door to the middle, stepped inside, and closed the door behind me. I then slooowly opend the door to where the little kid was, waved to him and greeted him in polite Japanese. Then I slid by him, and turned to look at the train car staring open mouthed at me. I grinned, waved and then started dancing down the middle of the car. High steppin with the knees, pumpin the arms like running in slo-mo. Kind of like the steppen-fetchet dance meets Mr Blonde in Resivior Dogs. I even did the little backwards dance mid-way. Man, it was like a freakin catwalk. I'm struttin, and cameras are going off all around me. My boy enters from the other side and starts doing the same dance up his side. Just before the middle of the car, I paused, pointed at my boy and was like "Doraiman! Whasssup!" We met in the middle with a little dap and gave a pound down. Man, the car lost their damn minds. I'm thinking that I'm on the internet somewhere now. Anyway, the party was dull, the most fun we had was messing with people in our costumes. As an aside, I've gotta learn Japanese, because you'd be suprised at how much chicks dig a man in an Elmo suit. Anyway, after we left the party, we decided to go to the movie rental place, still in costume to mess with more people. They are quite dedicated there, they kept the laughter at bay until we were out of there direct sight, but then they'd loose it. So we wandered around the store for a while, then it was back onto our bikes. That was fun as well. I mean, we got this one guy good. We're riding down the center of the road with our hoods up, I'm singing "Night ridin wit Elmo!" and we came up on this one dude riding his bike. We slow rolled up, and right when he looked over, I did the googley head shake at him, crusin by on my bike. I. Have. Never. Seen. A. Better. Double. Take. EVER! Then we crused by a late night diner just to have a little more fun. I also got them the next day at work when they gave us permission to teach the late classes in costume. Man, most people are not sure how to deal with the english language when it's being taught by a man in a fuzzy red suit. Oh well. Pics should be up as soon as the art director gets around to it. I have more stories too, but they're not written yet. Stay tuned for

Shinji's B-Day/Tokyo with a hangover
and
Up the Mekong without a paddle

A Wave of Happiness

2005-10-27T02:06:00.000+09:00

There are days about this job where you feel really good. Actually, this can happen with any job, or anyplace, but today's good feeling came at my job. Now, it was a pretty standard day, except I caught a pretty nasty schedule (Full classes, and nothing to break it up) Anyway, in one of my afternoon classes, one of the teachers came into the break room, talking about how good this one low level student was, and how he was gonna give her the fist step of a level up. Now, for a student to move up a level, they have to get two seperate teachers to recomend their advancement. The firm likes to see people advance,(keeps em' coming) and while the Japanese staff can push or ask teachers to consider leveling someone up, the sole decision lies with the teachers. When a teacher decides to give someone a level recomendation, they mark it on a slip and put it in the student's file. Hopefully, the next teacher will notice it and either pass them, cancel the recomendation for level up or defer it to another teacher. I have undergone the training which gives me the right to level someone up, but I rarely exercise that power. I've handed people the slips before that other people signed, but never one with my own signature on it. Many times I can't really decide if the person is worthy, and if we level them and they're not ready, it's a big headache to teach them stuff they're not ready for. So this teacher gives the girl the first recomendation for a level up, and wonders of wonders, I was her next teacher. I go into the classroom, and the girl is really nice. Rather average looking Japanese high school girl, but very sweet and with a good attitude and mad skills. I was impressed, she was taking a challenge lesson (one level above her regular) and she was the best in the class. I got done, went in the break room and was like "Hell, she deserves it", so I gave her the second recomendation. Now, you are supposed to sign the level up slip and give it to the student right there, but I always forget. Also, in this case, the other students in the class I had taught were terminal cases, having taken numerous repeat classes in the level she was about to advance into, and I didn't want to make them feel bad. Anyway, I signed the form and went back out to catch the girl before she left. I went to the classroom, just as one of the other students was leaving, leaned in and smiled. "Congragulations" I said, and handed her the slip. Now, the teachers names are on the slip, so the student knows exactly who leveled them. She looked at it, saw my friends name, then saw my name and realized that the I had been testing her the whole class and that she had not been found wanting. An expression of joy and excitement came over her face. "Really?! she squealed, "I leveled up?!?! Oh thank you thank you thank you!!! She looked like she was gonna hug me, so all I did was smile and said "Really. We both think you deserve it. Have fun in the next level." And then beat a hasty retreat. She sat there in the classroom grinning like a fool, and then bounced out of the room like a ping pong ball following me down the hall. "You mean it?! I leveled?! I LEVELED!" Really really cute. So anyway, I went back into the teachers room, and she bounded out into the world all laughter and smiles. I was too busy to really spend time thinking about it, but on the train home I had time to think. Time to reflect on her expression when I gave her the slip, time to remember the glee and pride in her face. Time to realize that it had made her day, and that probably the instant she left the school she began calling her friends. Time to imagine her parents reaction when she came home and told them that she was doing good, and that she was advancing in her studies, and if you will let me indulge in a happy thought, I hope they took her out to her favorite resturant. So hey, today I caused a wave of happiness, and that's really not a bad days work. It's times like that that I really enjoy being a teacher.
Laters

When shit goes pear shaped

2005-10-23T00:46:00.000+09:00

Ok, this is a blog written part in sadness, part in frustration, part in drunkeness, and part in resolve...

I havn't been keeping you posted as I should, but sometimes I get distracted. Let me begin with saying that this is where the fall from heaven comes, my work no longer the idylic paradise it was. Some of my friends have left. New workers have come to replace them. Among them was an extremely pretty girl, American of Korean descent. Now, try as I might, I could not but help catching an intrest in her. I suspected form the start that she was trouble, and did not want to violate my long held policy of not messing with co-workers unless they are ready to put some serious cards on the table. Even worse, dispite my best attempts, I found my self slipping back into "Nice guy mode", rather akin to Superman reverting to Clark Kent just when whatever crisis that threatens the Earth shows up. But no mind. So. I was fairly certain that I had no chance with this girl, but we all know that emotion and lust have no truck with logic. Perhaps the biggest threat was that one of my co-workers (and incidentaly a friend) would pick her up. He is that guy. Handsome, fit, wealthy, fluent in Japanese and with game that never seems to stop working. Well my friends, it appears that the situation that I feared has come to pass. Now, as many of you may know, I am fairly skilled at reading other people, just so long as it dosen't pretain to me. Now, I had detected my friends intrest in said girl, and frankly, all through today there were signs and portents that something had happened. I won't go into them, for that would be tedious, but finally I had convinced myself that I was being irrationaly paranoid, as is my wont. Then I heard them talking as I was leaving, quite a damming conversation, made worse by the fact that both of them had given me quite vague comments as to the reason for their extreme state of wearyness. All told my fine fellows, it's fairly cut and dried as to the deal, and if it hasn't happened yet, it will. (He got off the train in her town tonite) You see, I know the gentleman in question, I'm one of his closest friends here, and I know how he is. This is another Vietnam (Korean War might be more apt) and I will not sacrifice bold soldiers to die on that hill. So. My hard luck. I wont lie, it hurts. I can't even be be mad at them, in his shoes I might do the same, and having seen the guy in action, I can't fault the girl. What hurts is coming in second yet again. You see, after a time you get tired of loseing, get tired of seeing some other guy run off with the girl. What sucks is their both friends as well as coworkers, all within a very tiny social circle. So I can't pick a fight, can't run up a black flag and send them to the deeps, hell, I can't even avoid them. But that's ok. Lesson learned, and mabye it's even good for me. You see, it's made me rather mad. Not at them, but at the way things turned out. Generaly I need a good smack about the chops to get me fighting mad enough to go out and actually do something, and it certainly has kicked me into the phone booth. There's a line from a song I've been listening to, called "Stay Positive". The line is "The other man might get the ace or the top card, but organize your twos and threes into a run and then you've fucked him son. And for that you'll be the better man..." Well, it's time to shuffle my boys, and start building a run. That said, it's rough to be out here, working the next ten days with no break (I swapped as a favor for the same friend) cut off from all my boys and the things that make me happy, and still going to bed alone and the loser again...

Fuck it,
2&3's

Oh Shit

2005-10-07T12:17:00.000+09:00

What have I done?

Do you ever wake up with the feeling that you've gotten yourself into a stickey situation? Welcome to my day. You see, last night I went out with a salaryman friend to a hostess bar. Known for being fabulously expensive, with the company of girls. Now, I knew it would be pricy, I also knew that I would never be allowed inside of one on my own, so I had to leap at the chance. Now, you know you're in trouble when in Japanese your host tells the madam of the bar, "It's dredful! I'm sorry but I've brought forigners..." (Hahah I speeke little japanese) A hostess bar is interesting. It's like regular karaoke, but you sit in a room filled with people, while a hostess pours your drinks and lights your smokes. What's bad is the fact that I forgot that you pay per drink, not running on nomihodi like most karaoke joints. We ran up a bill. Lord did we run up a bill. At first I was drinking sensible, but the other gaijin who was there was knocking em' back, an I had to respond and show the colours. We were drinking high grade shochu and water, and I'm here to tell you that it goes down reeeeeeaaaal easy. You can take as proof the fact that I lost at two small bar games and was forced to drain my glass twice, on top of all the other drinks. So, it was a real good time. I think we were a bit of a novelty, they kept taking pics of us dancing with the bar patrons. My roommate who was passing outside said he could here me singing "Hey Jude" from the street. Anyway, it was all fun and games. When the bill came for the three of us, it was horribly high. Really really bad. Like FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS BAD! I could have handled that, I was rollin strapped with lots of cash. No, what made it bad is that my salaryman friend wouldn't let us pay our full share. The most he would take was forty dollars from each of the gaijin, which left him paying something like three hundred and twenty dollars. He had said that's what we would do at the begining of the night, and then all other times split, but I had hoped to change his mind. No dice. Apparantly because he was the seinor of the group, by tradition he picked up the bill. I still don't like it though. I mean, the other guy dosn't have a clue as to how much it cost, I only know because I saw him put down the money, and I wasn't gonna say anything it would be rude. Even if he did know, he wouldn't care, but I hold to a higher standard, and in my books, I owe this guy big time. Like, never mind if you have other plans, cancel if this guy wants to do something. God. The things I get into...

The latest

2005-09-28T20:30:00.000+09:00

Sorry it's been a while but not much has been happening. It's been kind of slow, I bought an Mp3 player, and now I run around listening to the "Streets" (J you gotta check them out) Because I spent alot of money near the first of the month, I've been trying to keep it clean and cheap. Sorta. My new Aussie roommate and I just go get cheap hipflasks of whiskey and drink them on the train. Umm so what else. One night I went to Tokyo to go watch Aya the Jazz girl sing. No success on that front. In her directions to the place, she gave me the wrong exit so I ended up walking several miles looking for the spot. When I finally got there, she was really sorry and attentive for a while, but then that was it. On singing breaks she had not a word for me, instead circling and talking to everyone else. No worries though, because the lone snowflake was in full effect. Within a few min of sitting down, I was already exchanging jokes with this older Japanese guy. "My real name is &^(*&^, but at night name is Jiro..." So, in between sets I was too busy to even worry about whatever power play Aya was making. You'd better believe I wasn't gonna sit there like a puppy dog though. Perhaps my favorite part was when this one cute Japanese girl came in. I was kickin it with the fellas and my man Jiro was like "Oh, show Daimushi how good your english is!" This girl stands there, clasps her hands like a elementary school kid at a recital and starts going "A B C D E G F H I K J L N M O P... You get the idea. Adaorable. SO Jiro changes seats and we started to talk. Kind of. She could understand everything I said, but she couldn't think of how to reply. You could see her getting frustrated trying to think of words, she clearly wanted to talk, just couldn't. I started dragging the info out of her like I was dealing with a low level student, and wonders of wonders, she lives right above the bar. Now, I was gonna leave early because I had work very early, and all my new friends knew I was leaving at like 11:00. They told the girl she'd better get cracking, and she was getting more and more twitchy as she watched the clock. I told her not to worry, just to practice her english and we would talk the next time I came in. She jumped up "Next time! When!?" I just smiled. "I don't know baby, I just don't know..." And then walked out. Mwahahahaha! I think I'll go back the tuesday after payday... In other news, several of my friends and I have discovered that freestyle Karaoke is the way foward. Can't read the words, just use the beat. Anyway, that's all I've got for now. Sorry this post is so weak...

Action Update

2005-09-23T08:06:00.000+09:00

Sorry it's been a min since I posted dear readers, lately I've been distracted and busy, and truth be told, I didn't have a lot of anything interesting to tell you. Now, I will try to post again tomorrow, I'm getting ready for work now, so this will be a short post. Suffice it to say,
Tonite the H.D.P. will be glad to know that I am making a solo assault on a Tokyo jazz club, to see the singer mentioned in a previous post. Just to set the mood, I've got the theme song from Yojimbo playing on my spanking new Mp3 player...
Mwahahahahahaha!

I am a Bastard

2005-09-09T23:23:00.000+09:00

Ok. Damn. Do you ever have a moment where you realize that you have become a slightly insane semi-bigoted asshole? I had one today. You see, the story begins like this... Dan and I were talking, and he was telling me about debating between two books in a bookstore. (The book he bought is one of my favorites, "Guns,Germs and Steel) I told him it was a good book, and that it was well worth the purchase, and he told me that that's what the people in the store said. I started to say "Who said it was good, was there a gai-" Then it hit me. The JAPANESE PEOPLE said it!! It completely blew my mind. Thats when I realized/remembered that (this may come as a shock) Japanese people can think too! Now, I realize that me writing this is a really damning statement, but it's true, for a minute I had forgotten. Forgotten that Japan has a rich history and culture going back nearly three thousand years. Forgotten that they have poets, artists, warriors and scholars. Forgotten that they have a complex language capable of expressing complex thoughts, hell, I'd forgotten everything! (Not really, I knew it in an abstract sense, but the reality had kind of slipped away from me) Now, in some ways it's not really surprising, I am surrounded by Japan on all sides, and sometimes your mind takes a little walk to give itself a breather. In addition, I don't speak Japanese, so while I have made many friends, some of the complexities of deep conversation have been lost. Furthermore, I spend eight hours a day teaching Japanese people how to speak english and having rigidly scripted conversations. (you wouldn't believe all the topics that are off limits)It's disturbingly easy to forget that they have there own language, and that they have the same thoughts as I, they just can't express them. The sense of disconnect is even stronger when you spend your entire day teaching low level students, as I did today. Here is an example of a conversation I had today. I said this every time I entered the classroom today, and I will here transcribe some of the more fufilling conversations. M will be me, S will be students. 1. Me - Hi! How are you today? S - Ehhhhh? 2. M - Hi! how are you today? S - Yes. 3. M - Hi! How are you today? S - .....(Puzzled look) As I write this, Dan told me about two conversations he had today. 4. D - So, what's new? S - I have diarhhea. 5. D - Hi! How are you? S - No.
So, that's how it lies here in wonderful Japan. Perception of a population divided into three parts 1. Non-student strange, possible friend. 2. Friend. 3. Student, possibly dangerous, can complain to boss. Really though, it's no worse that what how many people classify forigners here. 1. Tame gaijin, amusing, cuddly and family safe (English lang teacher) 2. Wild Gaijin, possibly dangerous, undfriendly, approach with extreme caution. I mean, I sit down on the train and surrounding seats clear. I go to class and cheeky students say things to me that you should definitly NOT say to gaijin in the wild. Also, when I use Japanese, many people look at me like "What? It speaks a civilized language?" To be honest though, this blog should not be taken seriously. It all really stems from one moment of Jackassary where my brain shut down, but I found that moment of brain fade amusing enough to write this.
Laters,

Gaijinzilla storms nightclub!

2005-08-28T21:04:00.000+09:00

NEWS FLASH : Daimushi drinks and transforms to Gaijinzilla! Charges the ramparts, Hundreds flee as cities quake. Out of the rubble a stranger returns...

Now, the past week or so has been a good one for the making of friends. Through Shinji's bar, I have become friends with a man who works for the anime museum as well as with an 45 yr old salaryman. (we're gonna go drinking together) None of those are the subject of this story however. As some of you may well know, at some time in the distant past I was given the name "The Lone Snowflake", for meritorious action in situation where I was somewhat of the odd man out. Well, it appears that my powers remain undiminished, perhaps even growing with the fullness of time. For some time, at Shinji's invitation, I have been planning on attending a blues and jazz night he and his friends were putting on. Shinji had been telling me he wanted me to sing at the event, but I put that down to joking, and even if he wasn't, it was going to be a small intimate night with close friends. No problem. The evening of the party, my fellow forigner friends all started to punk out. The cover charge (to pay for the room) was too expensive, my roommate was sick, etc. No worries. I've done it alone before and I'll do it again. So. I was running a little late, and had vague directions. It was near a video rental store under a green light. ??? So I went on my bike. I was circling the area, when down a small street I saw a green light. I headed down, uncertain how to tell if it was the right place, green light or no. The sign came from a neon sign, and when I saw it, I knew I was there. What did it say? Jaco Pastorius. Yep. Showtime... SO I walk up in the place, cool as can be, opening the door to see a PACKED HOUSE of Japanese people. No small intamate gathering was this. Furthermore, I was the LONE GAIJIN. I mean, I really stuck out. My Japanese friends put up a yell, and I was well greeted. Paid my entry (3000 yen, with two drinks included) and started sipping off my beer. (I might add at this juncture that I had a quick drink with my co-workers after work, and I was already 5 beers on my way to being drunk) Now, paranoia aside, I rapidly began to suspect that this was a setup. One of the first things Shinji said to me was "You sing tonite?" To add to that, I hadn't been there three min when Jun turned to me and said "Let me introduce Aya, she's a singer and she speaks english." She was also extremly fit. Little bit more curvy than most Japanese girls, and really good english. Turns out she used to sing in New York, and also lived in Galvaston Texas. So we chat for a bit, talking about where she's been and where I was from, then she walks off to make her rounds. I suspected from the way people treated her that she was a bit of a celeb within the group. Not sure how I wanted to play it, and not wanting to be the puppy dog, I remained at my seat. The music started, and they were damn good. The first few sets were all jazz, whth band members coming and going. I was at a table with friends (some old, some new) and I was having a good time, but I was feeling a bit ill. The beer was starting to curdle my stomach, and it was only 11 o'clock at night. (The party was supposed to go till three) Then, the band members switched it up to some of that good old house rocking blues, which is a little more my speed. Wanting to do the blues honers, and wanting to ease my stomach, I did what any sensible man would do. I switched to a fine sippin bourbon. (Looks like them Duke boys is gettin inta heap trouble again)
Never underestamate the value of a popular commercal. I had gotten a taste for Ezra Brooks Bourbon whilst drinking with the salaryman, and apparantly it has a very popular commercal where people go around saying "Make mine Ezra!" (I'm shrugging as I right this, I don't know why it's popular) I walked up to the bar, ordered a bourbon, (everyone seated at the bar was looking at me) and when Shinji asked me what kind, I flashed a winning grin and said "MAKE MINE EZRA!" Length of the bar put up a strange Japanese equivlant of the rebel yell, and I made a few more friends.
Now, the night was too action packed to relate everything that went down. If this post seems disjointed, that's why. I will relate a few of the more interesting things that happened though, attempting to keep them in chronological order. I became fairly cool with another guy who set's up these kind of events, and now I have an invite to something he's putting on in a couple of months. Next, Aya the singing girl went up on stage, and the place went kind of quiet. We had had some strange conversation/skirmishes, for example Her - "I want to sing freestyle stuff, but this is not the venue." Me - "You should go for it." Her - "I think you are judging me!" Me - "What! I don't know you! How can I judge you?" Anyway, she had told me that the only two songs she was singing were "Georga on my mind" and "Somewhere over the rainbow", so I was really curious as to how good she was. Damn. She was good. Reeall good. Had a nice sultry singing voice. I think Shinji's wife Jun could tell I was a little sprung. (Or mabye it was the fixed unblinking stare with my mouth kind of open) She said to me "Good singer neh?" and I nodded(never taking my eyes off the stage) She said "Sexy voice neh?" and I nodded again. Then she said "Exotic asian beauty neh?" and I was like "Oh yeah..." She finished, and I complemented her, and she seemed a little suprised and flattered. Now, unfortunatly I didn't try for her number, that would be uncharacteristic of me wouldn't it? Now, girls aside, there are two things I must point out to you. One is about Japanese people speaking english, and the other thing is about becoming friends with Japanese guys. With people who don't speak good english, you have to be careful about jumping the gun. Also, Japanese girls seem fond of asking really foward questions. At one point, two girls came up to Jun, and forcefully made her introduce me to them. A little while after Aya sang, one of the girls came up bold as you please and sat down. Her questions and statements in order are: "Hello. Do you have a girlfriend? I want to learn english conversation, please teach me." I was kind of floundering around, trying to figure out what to say, because I was still trying to figure out what to do about the singer. Then she was like "My husband and I both want to learn english", and promply brought him over to introduce him. See what I mean? That conversation looked like it was going in a whole other direction. Turns out her husband was one of the saxaphone players, a really good one, so I complemented him and made a few more friends. (complete with phone numbers) I think they were trying to figure out how much I would charge them, but I don't charge money to people I like. Anyway, it was too fun of a night to talk about money, so we're gonna do dinner sometime. Now. About Japanese guys. One thing you must realize if you're gonna be friends, is that Japanese guys don't act the same way as American guys do. Imagine this situation. (It's a true story) It's a hot night, and you're sitting on a tatami floor around a table with some friends. Japanese guys will pull their shorts up to an indecent level normaly reserved for a San Francisco Pride parade, and then use your leg as an armrest. It dosn't mean anything, in fact they're straight as an arrow, with a smoking hot girlfriend. They're just being friendly. It's a bit startling the first time though. I tell you this story so that you will understand whan I say that in celebration of someones birthday, Ryou and Shinji hit the stage in speedos and swiming caps, dancing around like crazy maniacs and flashing their asses at the croud. It was that kind of night. Hot, smokey, drunken house blues and jazz. We had drank all the bourbon in the house and I had switched to shochu. (sake's meaner, cheaper cousin) It was 3:30 am and the unthinkable happened. The guy who had been announcing all the singers came up to me and said "So you're singing next, right?" What! Shinji had told them I would sing. What could I do? Turn punk? Run? HELL NAW! Drained my drink, lit a smoke, and to the calls and applause of my friends hit the stage. Now, I thought for a min that I was gonna sing alone, but the guy who invited me to come to his bar came up to drum. Then they gave me a electric bass player. Then the saxaphone player I had met came running up with a grin to back me up, with the guy who had set the whole night up (a trumpet player) right behind. What did I sing? Fuckin, "Mack the Knife" Awwww yeahhhh. I only got to do three verses, mabye because I was bad, mabye because they thought I was too drunk to sing, mabye because we had never played before, and they didn't want to risk trying the whole song. Either way, I think I got the big nuts award in my neighborhood for walking in lone snowflake and debut singing to a room full of Japanese people. I was shaking hands with my band, and about to walk of the stage when Aya came up. (She had been sitting in front) I was like "You're singing again?" and she laughed. I get down on the floor, turned to watch, and she started belting out "Get your kicks on route 66". Now, she knew my hometown, and St.Louis was mentioned a whole lotta times in that song. I had to wonder, was it a signal? A challenge? Random chance? Should I even try? (I know Jerry is just pounding his keybord in frustration that I would even wonder if it were a signal, that I would even debate about trying to holla at her) Well, you must admit Jerry, it would be entirely in keeping with my past habits to just let it slide without trying anything.
But wait a min, am I not Iron Guard Pantheon? Am I not CFSSDA? Did I not climb Mt.Fuji in a paltry two layers and had I not just sung Mack the Knife not five min earlier???
OF COURSE I GOT HER PHONE NUMBER!
You had better believe that I made the move, she was just too much of a thoroughbred not to. Smoking cigs while spiking her drink from a hip flask "I need it stronger", directing the other singers around... Rough target. I had to wait and catch her as she was leaving, the crowd of admirers around her was just too thick to get in. So I got the digits, waited two days (gotta play cool with this girl or you're over) and called her just befor I began writing this. Chatted for a few min, gave her my number and e-mail. You know what? To make sure she got it, she e-mailed me not twenty min ago while I was writing this. So. We'll see what happens...
HIDY HO THE LONE SNOWFLAKE!

New Adventures

2005-08-18T09:00:00.000+09:00

So, what did you do on your days off? Really? I'm sure that was a lot of fun. What did I do? Oh, not much really, did some laundry, had dinner with a girl, CLIMBED MT.FUJI. Need me to repeat that? I CLIMBED MT.FUJI AT NIGHT! Yes, it's true, and it was probably one of the more physicly taxing and hairbraned schemes I have ever pulled off. I've been planning it for the past week or so, but I wasn't really certain I was going to do it, so I didn't want to mention it in case I backed out. Well I didn't. I will admit though, that most of the climb faded into a painful uphill purgatory that makes exact details of the climb difficult to remember. So. Where to begin. I was woefully unprepaired. I heard it was cold, so I had my family send me some jeans, a sweatshirt and a jacket. The sweatshirt was a little light though, and the jacket was just a stylish raincoat. I have a great hiking backpack, but I was packing one hour before I left, and I couldn't figure out how to attach the straps, so I ended up just throwing all my stuff in my ratty old backpack with the rapidly fraying straps. I set off with four other people, three of them working for the firm, and two of them my co-workers. We took a bus down to Fuji, and it was on the ride that I began to suspect that something was wrong with my head. As the bus headed down, traveling through mist covered mountains, we could clearly see a nasty storm developing over the horizion. It really looked like we were heading into Mordor. Strangly enough, while I was dubious about climbing Fuji in nice weather, for some reason the sight of the increasingly evil weather filled me with anticipation. (Sucker for adventure) Actually, that wasn't the first time. When I told the girl I went out to dinner with how unprepaired I was clothing and equipment wise, she asked me if I liked the cold. I told her no. She asked me if I liked hiking and strenuous physical activities, and I told her no. She asked me why the hell I was climbing Fuji in nothing but tennis shoes, jeans, a sweatshirt and a raincoat, and I told her "because it makes a damn good story." So, you know what clothes I had. The rest of my equipment was a camera, one can of bottled oxygen, two packages of peanuts and a large bottle of water. Oh, and a stick. (Let's go halfassed!) You can buy them at the fifth station, which is where the bus dropped us off. You can get them branded at various places along the climb as proof of your ascent, but even if you don't want the proof, should you ever climb Fuji, buy the stick. You'll need it... So, ill prepaired, I was ready. We set off at nine thirty pm, with the goal of reaching the crater by morning, in hopes of seeing the famous sunrise depicted on the Japanese flag. After walking along for a while, we reached the begining of the trail and started up. After about a half hour to forty-five min, I was flagging badly. My lungs felt like they had been kicked in, and I was drenched in sweat. Now, I'm gonna give you a second tip for if you ever climb Fuji. Don't look up, it's very discouraging. We finaly got above the treeline and I looked up. All the way up the mountain were various points of light, the waystations where you can get additional supplies at cutthroat prices. At the very top, way way far away, I could see a light. "Is that the top?" I enquired, only to hear the disheartning news, "No, that's just a fraction of the climb..." At that time I began to seriously reconsider. I mean damn. But no, there was too much at stake. My honour, the honour of my family, the glory of the Pantheon, as well as the CFSSDA all demanded that I continue. I knew it would also make a damn good story. I continued, but my earlier fears of having a heart attack and dying on the side of the mountain seemed more and more likely. Now, I'm here to tell you that the first part is the worst. You are still close enough to consider turning back, and you havn't yet gotten into a rhythm. We finaly reached the first waystation and I got my stick burned. The second stage was an uphill scramble up an extremly steep rock slope, with occaisional hand chains jammed into the rock. My stick was rapidly becoming my best friend, and wonders of wonders, I was begining to fall into stride. I didn't rush, I took controlled breaths and I steadily moved upwards. We stopped at every waystation for about five min to rest, and at each station, I would take just a few mouthfuls of water, no more. I didn't get my stick burned at every place, because sometimes waystations would only be about a hundred feet apart. (Hundred feet up that is...) As we got higher and higher, the air began to get thinner and thinner, and the temp dropped sharply. (The wind wasn't helping) I was ok while climbing, but every time I stopped for more than a min, I would begin shivering as the sweat cooled on my body. My friends began to put on more and more layers, but, guess what! I didn't have any. In fact, when I realized that my raincoat was keeping the sweat from evaporating, I took it off, and continued the ascent in a t-shirt and light sweatshirt. Much of the rest of the middle part of the climb blurs in my memory. It was just endless climbing, never looking higher than my next few steps. Oh, and the cold. Endless, endless cold, especially when I stopped. At two in the morning we stopped at one waystation that will let you sit inside for a short time to eat a bowl of ramen, and it was there that I had my final doubts. I went outside for two min when I thought my friends were almost done, and in two min started to seriously freeze. We still had several hours of climbing left, and every hundred feet or so, the temp would drop a few more degrees. I'll admit, I went slightly punk complaining about the cold, but I went a little insane from thin oxegen and the cold when my friends in four or five layers of thick clothing started talking about being cold. Now, apparantly Fuji wasn't that bad this time, people have climbed it typhoons, but everybody around me was in wool caps, multiple layers and winter coats. I realized that in order to make it, I had to keep moving. By that time I had reached a flow and I wasn't sweating as much, so I put on my jacket. My friends by that time were huffing on their canned oxygen, but I hadn't touched mine. (One guy had told me the last part of the ascent was the worst, so I was saving it. (I never used it though, I didn't need it) Oh, and unlike my friends I wasn't foolish enough to have a smoke break while climbing a frickin volcano. As we went up, I considered finding one of the way huts and offering them a lot of money to let me spend the night. I had come too far to back out though. The last stage was a giant line of people. The sky started to lighten, and it didn't look like we were gonna make the top so we stopped for a time to watch it. The line thinned out though, and it was too cold to sit, so we got back on it. Now, strangly enough, the last part was the easiest. I had come so far, and the end was in sight. I was acclimated to the thin air so I had no trouble breathing, and along with a mass of people all smiling at the climbs end, we proceded upwards like eager goats climbing. The sky was lighter, and the slight warmth put strength into my limbs. Finaly I reached the summit. We were so high up, looking out we looked down on an ocean of clouds. Then, in the clouds, a scarlet line appeared. It was the sun. Like a blob of molten lava it rose out of the clouds, surfacing with slow grandeur. The Japanese flag was raised, and the national anthem began playing. It. Was. Fucking. Great. After sunrise, we walked around the crater (another hour) and then made the descent. The descent was in someways worse, because it was a realy steep downgrade of switchbacks that were absoloutly punishing on the knees and ankles. Too, it was irratating. It's like a movie. I mean, the whole point was to reach the top, and we did it. Roll the frickin credits for Christ's sake. Who wants to spend another couple of hours just getting down. Afterwards we went to an onsen, (hot bath) and then dragged by one of my friends, went to a nearby amusement park to ride Japan's biggest rollercoaster, the Fujiyama. It was a mighty good rollercoaster, but that whole story is anticlimatic too, so I'll leave it alone. Pics of Fuji will follow as soon as I get them to the blogs art director, but the best one has already been sent. You'll know it when you see it. So. For want of a story, for the glory of the Pantheon, the CFSSDA, my family name and myself, I did it. What you got to say now?

The Harrowing Probation Observation!

2005-08-12T09:30:00.000+09:00

Ok, although I was intending to let more time pass between this blog and the last, threats of an extremly personal nature have been directed at me, and in the intrest of my personal safety, I shall proceded with the story.
I awoke on thursday morning just a tad bit the worse for wear. I got up at five, took some asprin and went back to bed. I took more when I finaly woke up, and combined with a bracing shower and a large can of cold black coffee, I proceded to go to war. I arrived at work early as is my custom, and soon discovered that my third class of the day was to be my observed class. I did a quick prep for my first class, then spent the next half hour planning the third class. A quick smoke before the bell rang, then back to the ready room to find my manager and the observer in confrence. "I'm in a hurry to get back to my branch" the observer said, "why don't I just observe Daimushi's first class." They turned to me, and what could I say? So that left me with four min of prep time for my observed class. I went into my class, observer in tow, (she was to sit in the next room, which is only seperated from mine by a half window)and had my first feeling of relief. It was a three student class, with students we shall refer to as "Y" "M" and "N". Y and M are favorite students of mine however, who also like me. Y is a mid-thirties male, friendly smart and cheerful, whom I had already had as a student in a previous observed class. M is a young junior highschool girl, cheerful, smart and eager to learn. From where she sat she could clearly see the observer, and I knew she would do her utmost to make me look good. The third lady "N" was a middle-aged woman who I knew nothing about. I walked in to the class and cheerfully asked how everyone was doing. M and Y replied cheerfully, but N was like "No good, I am sick!" I expressed my sympathy and proceded with the lesson, which was about borrowing things from friends. I thought the lesson was going well, I finished the first part, and inquired if there were any questions. N, who had been staring at her book the whole time spoke up for the first time. "No! I am confused!" I kept my smile on and asked her what confused her. She sat for a min, then growled and said "lend, borrow, I don't understand." Now, I could handle this, I've explained the difference many times, each time with success. Although I should have gotten my other students to tell her, I explained that you borrow from someone and lend to them. (Although I explained it much better than here) She just sat there, not even looking at me. I asked her if she understood, and she was like "NO!" Riight. So, I cheerfully explained it again, this time with the help of the class, complete with actual demonstrations of both lending and borrowing. Afterwards I asked her if she understood, and she just sat there with her head down. The class and I kind of exchanged looks, and then gently I said "N? Do you understand?" All of a sudden she growled out a string of angry sounding Japanese and then said "NO! I study by myself!" I offered to help her, but she wouldn't answer me. Now, I was faced with a choice. Hold up the lesson for one lady, or procede and give the other two their moneys worth. (Sigh) I moved on. I could tell that we were all a little unnerved by her though. So, we moved through the lesson, and I even got N to participate, so I thought I was leaving the woods. Y and M performed like a dream, now and then asking an easily answered question, and reacting with loud and joyful signs of clear understanding. I will admit that N was kind of creaping us all out though, staring at her book and occaisionaly shaking her head and muttering to herself like the voices in her head were getting a little too loud. I set up an application, and had M and Y do it first to model it for N. I was taking notes, as required, and my pen broke. I soldiered on though, using the ink insert to write. I gave feedback on the performance, and rotated N into the mix. I gave her her role, gave her a min to think about it and then gently asked her "can you do it?" She started twitching and the muttering started up. "no, No, NO!" I was like "It's ok!, It's fine!, don't worry about it, we'll just rotate Y and M and you can watch how its done." Still gentle, still cheerful, smile plastered on my face like the rictus of a dying man. Y and M did their thing, and when done, we all turned to N. She had her head down, and was wiping her nose. No worries, she was sick, and had been doing that all class. Then, (like in a horror movie where the music turns nasty) I saw the water on her eye brows. Then the tears splattering on the inside of her glasses. Oh fuck... I was trying to comfort N, and then like a gem, M came into play. She looked at me drowning, the observer, N and then I swear to god, like some anime movie charecter, she all of a sudden turned into "Super cheerful junior high school girl!" Real genki and nice she was like "Don't cry! We'll all study together!" It was like watching the cavalry come over the hill. Y caught on quick and was like "Yes! It will be fun! We'll all help each other!" They turned to me and said "Don't worry! It's not your fault, it was a great lesson! We'll take care of her!" and then gave me a big thumbs up. They could tell I was worried, but it was clear that they were telling me that I could clear out and fix my next class. So I left. I got in the teachers room, thinking to myself "What the fucking fuck." The observer came in and was like "well, on the bright side, that's probably the worst observation you'll ever have to undergo..." Then another teacher came in and was like "Don't worry about it man, she does that in everyones class." Then the manager came in and was like "Oh yes, she does that, sometimes all the red and blues don't treat her right." So it turns out she has a history, and not only that, after class she had to go be sick in the bathroom for the next forty min. A shaken man, I went to have a smoke, and then once again, M did her stuff. I was passing the check-in desk (where M was), with the office and the observer not seven feet behind me. She flashes this winning smile and in a loud and clearly audible voice to everyone (manager and observer included) said "Good job Daimushi! Don't worry, it's not your fault, it was a great class! Thank you!" (threw up another thumbs up) I'm telling you, she's a great kid. Long story short, I don't think that they held the incident against me. I got my feedback for the past sevral months, and I got nothing lower than satisfactories. (Majority of satisfactories in fact) A few goods and one excelent. So. I think I'm on track. If nothing goes wrong, I hope to be free of probation in the next couple of weeks.
Well, that's the tale. If you're gonna post comments, post them quick, because I'm not sure how long I'm gonna leave this up...
Laters

News from the land of the Rising Sun

2005-08-12T00:24:00.000+09:00

Riiiiight.

Sorry I havn't written in a time, but there's been not much to note untill the past 24hrs. The other day I recieved word that my probation would come on thursday (I write this thursday night) So, I was racked by nerves, although some of my co-workers urged me not to worry. In addition to that, I began to come to the conclusion that even if my probation was extended, what of it? I would just continue on. Further fortified with a little bit of Shunryu Suzuki's words on mistakes in practice, I decided to just do it. Thats when shit gotta a little crazy...
I went down to Shinji's bar for a little good cheer, and that was the first step. I had a Guinness, and then my man Tom came through the way, so I had a second. Ryou broke out the guitar, and we were all shootin the shit. We're joking around, and Shinji is once again laying down the Japanese mack science, having proclaimed himself "Love Sensei"... Then, when he finds that Shinji and co. will be going back home for the Obon festival, Tom that crazy bastard decides to tell them all that my birthday is on Sunday. Oh shit. Now, I won't deny I wasn't moved by what followed. I was deeply moved, more so than I really posess the words to say. Shinji pulled out a bottle of champagne and some glasses, and the next thing I know, the whole bar is raising glasses and singing "Happy birthday" to yours truly. Then, Ryou broke out the guitar again, and sang me a song for my birthday. Not happy birthday, a real song. One I didn't understand the words too, but moved me just the same. So now I'm drinking champagne and Guinness, and we're all having a great time. Now, we're talking about music, and Tom has sung a few songs, so now for some reason I can't recall, I sang a few bars of "Mack the Knife" to round acclaim. Now, that's all good, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm now promised to sing it at the blues and jazz jam. Once again, can I say "Oh shit." Now, I'm well drunk, and this kinda cute girl comes in, sees Tom and I and orders her beer in english. Shinji starts flickering his eyes from me to her, so of course, I move in. We're all singing japanese toungue twisters, and she's helping me out. Lets me know that she's willing to help me out with english at the rate of 1500 yen an hour. Or Dinner. Cheeky, I like that, so I got her number. Bad thing was, on my way out into the night, at 2:00 am, the night before my obs, the unprecidented happened. I went legless. No lie, near the door, first time in history, the mighty mick goes down on the floor like a victorian lady. I don't know what happened, all I know is that my legs went buttery, I smacked my head, and then was off into the night, cries of ganbatte! wringing in my ears as I drunk bicycled home. Now, I'll leave you to this work, while I go back to the lab with my next tale. It's already happened, just not put down in words.
Stay tuned for
THE HARROWING PROBATION OBSERVATION!

An update

2005-08-03T19:55:00.000+09:00

Sorry It's been so long since I've posted dear readers, but not much of intrest has been going on lately. While I thought I had been doing well conserving my money, I have come to realize that I've actually been spending money like a sailor on leave, so the past week or so I've been staying at home alot. I did buy a bike though, and I have become very fond of riding it through the streets late at night. Riding during the daytime in Japan is a harrowing experence, as any of my former classmates from the "Kamakura Death Ride" can attest. The streets are very narrow, and either you are riding with traffic, or you are holding to the edge of the street, where you are forced to dodge poles, small children and mysterious holes that appear out of nowhere. Your battle for the street is also contested by other bicyclists, who show niether fear nor mercy. The other day, while riding to the post office, I was nearly scraped off the sidewalk into retaining wall by a young mother with her infant strapped to the back of the bike. This woman was out for blood. The best movie description of riding on the sidewalk in Japan during the day would be the X-wing attack run on the Death Star in episode four of Star Wars. Night time is different though, very little traffic, a cool breeze and the croaking of frogs and chirping of insects. It's really nice. On the Japanese friend front, I have become even closer friends with the bar owner Shinji and his wife Jun. One night I stopped into the pub to find it completely empty. At first I thought it was closed, but it was really just a slow night. They insisted I come in, and I spent a delightful couple of hours talking with them (aided of course, by a pen and paper, lots of pantomime and an english to Japanese dictionary. Now, Dave especially will be pleased to discover the caliber of the people I've fallen in with. I was trying to think of a nice gift to give to my new friends, and Shinji plays the bass, so I casually asked him if he had ever heard of a fretless bass player by the name of Jaco. Shinji was like "Pastorius? I love him, got his CD's back at the house." Damn, what are the chances of that? So that's the kind of locals I'm rolling with. By the end of the night, we had made plans to go out for Tonkatsu (it was delicious) and I recieved an invitation to go to some large blues, jazz and traditional Okinawan jam session that they and their friends are having. Apparantly, once long ago, some famous musician came here, and every year on that date they have a get together to play in commemeration. Now I'm going to it, Shinji is planning bar trips, and every time I see him he makes vague refrences to me "playing the girl hunt..." On the work tip, I am now kids trained. Yep, that's right kids trained. This training had me traveling to Tokyo, where I was forced to act like a Japanese six year old, for an eight hour training session that when completed, left me completely trained and capable of teaching both one on one and group kids lessons...or else. So, I've already had my first kids class, and it went down like the Titanic. The kid had already had one english class that day, and was bored and twitchy. I solidered on, trying to teach the little guy from a book and lesson I didn't understand, setting up games that confused me while he made himself a paper penis and amused himself by popping it up from under the table with a kind of "Boiiing!" sound and then laughing maniacly. I have a sinking suspicion that this friday I will be forced to teach a group of little kids, which is just terrible. Picture this. The maximum amount of adults in any lesson at any branch is four. At my branch, due to size constraints, the maximum is three. I haven't tought more then three people since my initial training ended. Kids classes however, permit up to eight kids. EIGHT KIDS! In training they advise that you try to keep the pencils and crayons out of their hands except when they're supposed to be using them. If you don't, your room will be filled with screaming kids writing on the walls, themselves and you, while the bad ones try to shank each other in the frickin eyeball... Lovely, absofuckinloutly lovely isn't it? Anyway, I'm off to ritualy purify myself, I would hate to die unshriven...

More photos for us to devour his sexness

2005-07-26T18:31:00.000+09:00

Picture 074
Originally uploaded by Daimushi.

Daimushi has sent more photos so I have uploaded them to his flickr account see bar to the left- this is her majesty Raquita doing his bidding!!!

Chillin with locals

2005-07-25T23:30:00.000+09:00

So, I'm sorry that I havn't had any really cultural stories to tell you yet. Truth be told, this is the first one hundred percent sober night I've had in about a week. I broke my umbrella running into a train station bathroom to take a leak. It was on that very same train that I was forced to jump off and be sick in a corner, before jumping back on the same train, in front of all the Nihonjin. TWICE. Anyway, the best night was last night, which was the most sober and well behaved. We'll call it Tom's Party Night. Now, Tom had a party and there were tons of people there. Among them were some people that Tom and I met one night when we invaded a local bar. The owner, a guy named Shinji is cool as hell, and his wife, who works with him is a gem. The guys from the bar were all incredibly friendly, and and we made a lot of friends that night. The bar itself is great, small and beautiful, with a counter section and a traditional sit on the floor area. That's it, mabye a bathroom as well. It stocks fine wines, Guinness and a big ass list of hard liquor, scotch and tequila. I would put it on the list of bars you must visit. Now, I was irratated because the night of the Ageo festival, Tom left early and ended up meeting up with the guys from the bar, where they drank and freestyled on their instruments. So, last night, although I wanted sleep, I had decided not to miss out on anything.

The party was chill, we played cards for a while and kept it low key, but after a while things got fun. Because Tom accidentaly hit the "Call Security" button, we had to vacate, so we headed out. In the front were Shinji and I, on the way to open up the bar. (This is the part that many of you will be quite envious of) We got there and Shinji promptly put out two bottles of wine on the bar and announced that they were a gift for the party. Knowing my tastes, Shinji promptly poured me a Guinness and announced that the everyone's first drink was on the house. Another one of the local guys, Ryou broke out a three string Okinawan version of some Japanese traditional instrument I'm not gonna try to spell. So now I'm chillin with friends and Japanese music. Shinji brought out a trumpet and played a few bars of "Tequila". I told him to restart it so we could all sing the chorus. He did, and when the chorus came we all shouted out "Tequila!" He did the same, jumped to the bar, and pulled out the coldest and frostiest bottle of Jose I've ever seen in my life. No shit, it had a thick rime of frost and looked like it got pulled from an iceberg. He hit it, passed it to me, I hit it, passed it on. Ryou by that time had begun playing the guitar, so Shinji started jamming with him, playing his normal instrument, a large upright bass. By the end of the night we were all fast and good friends. Shinji and I got along great, Dan's cool with Ryou. Shinji said it was one of his best nights, a group of people from many different cultures drinking and partying together. Extremely drunk, (we went to dinner after the bar) on the way home he announced that it was destiny that we would all meet and become friends. Hey, any time the locals view your presence as a boon of destiny, it's a good nights work. He, his wife, all the locals are all a great bunch. I couldn't have hoped to fall in with a better group.
Oh, and they all want to start introuducing me to Japanese girls...

Been a Min

2005-07-21T16:24:00.000+09:00

So, it's been a little while since I've written. Part of that is due to the fact that latly I've been working six day weeks, and often when I get off I just don't feel like doing much of anything. The other reason is because summertime in Japan is festival season. But before I start with that story, let me admit that I am I fool. I turned down the easiest money I will ever get the chance to earn, money that would be paid for the simplest of work. One of my friends offered me a tutoring job. It was a friend of a friend, and it would have paid what amounted to thirty dollars an hour. It required only that I talk with someone for one hour a week, no teaching, just talking. The day was flexible, I could have done it on the way home for work, and the student was a Japanese high school girl. I didn't do it. Stupid right? Yes, I know, you don't have to remind me, I've been tempted of and on to kick myself all this week. I didn't do it though because I was being put in the position where a friend was acting as a refrence for me. That means that any dickhead behavior, like failing to make appointments, pissing off the student's family, etc, all would have reflected on my friend. (The strong jaw guy in the picture to the right) Now, I know myself, and I know I wouldn't have acted the fool, but for some reason I backed out of it. What really bothers me, is not the money (although it would come in handy) or the fun, (conversation for gods sake, I do that for free every day) but the fact that I didn't do something benificial for myself due to a simple attack of nerves. For god's sake, quitting doing that is a large part of the whole coming to Japan thing. Grr. I know I'm gonna get a lot of e-mail giving me shit for my choice, but what the hell, I made it, and you can't say anything to me I haven't already said. Ah well, the other part of coming to Japan was to decide all my issues for myself. So I did. In other news, I've gone to about two festivals so far, one in my hometown, and one in the next town over. The hometown one was great, the first I knew of it was when I got of the train from work. I ran home to get my camera and headed out. As I approached the square in front of the station, I could hear the music start up. You know the music, heavy drums and little flutes in the background. Because I was running solo, I got some great pics, also seen to the right. Be sure to blow up the one with the guy in the fox suit waving at the shrine, in the large version the light gleams off his eye sockets. The next day I went to one in the next town over. Although the second one was much bigger, I went with my co-workers. Why was that a problem? Because it's hard to juggle a camera, large beer and piping hot skewer or package of whatever tasty Japanese festival food I was eating at the time. Because of that, the festival was spent more in a participating capacity. We drank. And ate. Alot. I got a following of junior high minions who came up and wanted to talk to me. (Pics to follow) I forever established myself as cool to my followers with just one little conversation.
Minion 1 : "I like sex!"
Myself, chugging a beer while waving my fan in a circle to include my tiny army : Minna-san like sex! (We all like sex)
After that I was proclaimed their leader and the attempted to present me with a miget sized blow up Stitch doll, which I declined. Inspired, my friend Mick (non-coworker) set out to get an army for himself. Now, hanging out with this guy is a lot like hanging out with a... damn, I'm at a loss. Let me start by saying that he is Australian. Now, that's not really a bad thing, but in general, of all the english speaking groups, Auzzies are considered to be the craziest. Almost everybody has heard the stories, like stealing cash boxes from taxis or jumping out second story windows to avoid paying bar bills. And to many Australians, Mick is considered insane. So, that lets you know what I was dealing with. An alchoholic, possibly insane Auzzie who quotes the Sopranos all the time. He got his army of minions all right, but when one of them sad something cheeky, this guy grabbed him by the shirt like they were gonna fight, with cops not fifty feet away. Now, not to be offensive, but in this country, in terms of who gets blamed for any trouble, I am a black guy. We all are. That's what made this guy's reaction so crazy. I jumped in, but he released the kid, and they all started laughing. It was all in fun, just a little horseplay, but if it turned nasty, who do you think the cops are gonna blame, a junior high school boy or a pack of drunk forigners. Anyway, it all worked out for the best and I had a good time.

Funny things

2005-07-15T10:00:00.000+09:00

You know, although there are many things I miss, my friends, fencing, Del Taco and Chicago Deep Dish pizza, there are moments which make up for all the things I'm missing. Well, not quite make up for it, but they're pretty damn funny. The other day, when I was in the conversation room, I was talking with two students about bad co-workers. One guy who used to work as a newspaper delivery guy, told me that one of his co-workers was bad because he was a Yakuza, full body tattoos and all. I asked him why a gangster would be working in newspaper delivery and he told me that it was quite common. Sometimes business is slow, and when there's no dirt to be done, they get jobs to tide them over. Because they're gangsters, they have no normal job skills, nor do they want a very hard job, so by tradition, many get newspaper jobs. In all seriousness, this student told me "please, be careful of/around your newspaper delivery man...they are quite dangerous... THAT ROCKS!!!! He may be taking the piss, but any modren country in which I have even a 25% chance of having my paper delivered by a moonlighting gangster can't be all bad. (Hmm, mabye that explains the minivan of thugs every morning...) In other news, the other day I had my three week evaluation. The class that was originaly schedueled to be observed was perfect, it went off like clockwork. Alas, it wasn't ment to be. The class that was later scheduled for observation was much more difficult. It was of a much higher level (2 to be precise) and one of my student's was what my observer described as a problem student. (She wasn't really qualified to take a class of the level I would be teaching.) He told me that it was unfair odds to give me in an observation, but I acted like it didn't concern me. Privatly, although I am not a religious man, I crossed myself and said a quick prayer on my way to the bathroom to take a nervous piss. "The hell with it," I thought to myself, "if I screw up it will be mitagated by the fact I had a bad student. If by chance I should succede, the greater the glory. Besides, I don't have any choice but to continue..." I succeded. The observing trainer told me that he was quite impressed, paticularly with how much I got out of the problem student. He said that if he'd been placing a bet on a teacher getting through the lesson, he'd have bet that they would fail. Those were the odds. Of course, I made it through the full lesson with expert timing (Tom Jones anyone?) Hey, what can I say? In other news, the other night I went out to a comedy night in Harajuku. It was kind of cool, but kind of strange. There was a chick from Luxomberg who did freaky tricks with glass balls like David Bowie in Labyrinth. Perhaps the strangest thing was some blond chick from Kansas who's face kind of drooped to the side. She came up and was like "I have BRAIN DAMAGE!!!" (Real cheerful like) Then she was like "No, seriously, I have Cerebral Palsey..." It was really strange, she made a lot of jokes about being a general jackass, fucking with blind people and stuff like that and then passing it off with cracks like "She had to forgive me, I've got brain damage! HEHEHEH!" It was really kind of scary. In addition, I would like to take this chance to give a little public service announcement. IF YOU ARE WORRIED ABOUT YOUR LIVER, DON'T COME TO JAPAN No, seriously. I've been here a month, and I've lost count of the days off I've spent with a hangover. I might add that if by some chance you do come to Japan, DON'T! for gods sake ever drink anything called "Green Onion Alchohol" It's even worse coming up. But perhaps I should start a little further back. Although I am on the outskirts of Tokyo, due to the late hours I get off work and the early train stoppage during the week, Tokyo is many times not an option. Now, there are several little towns in which people party, but I and several of my associates with whom I share a town have come to the conclusion that we need to bring our town to preeminance, nay write it in letters of flame. We have many points in our favor. Several good resturants and a yakitori bar. A well stocked liquor store, and wonders of wonders, I am apparantly (according to rumor) living in one of the few towns in my area in which you can purchase absinthe. In addition, my town is well stocked with adult hostess bars and "massage parlours" (Not that you'll catch me in one of those) So. We are well placed for party armageddon. But that's an aside. Now, I'm not saying that I drink alot. All I'm saying is that beer, scotch, green onion alchohol, a bottle of cheap wine and some chu-hi are one mean motherfucker of a combo. This might sound like I'm abusing my liver. I'm not. I love my liver, and I would never hurt it. It's my liver. MY LIVER! All I'm saying is that some nights my liver cries itself to sleep, and if it knows what's good for it, it'll keep telling the neighbors that it fell down the stairs...

Choo-Choo Chu-hi (The Circle of Life)

2005-07-07T16:47:00.000+09:00

I have realized that life is a circle.

You see, it's my students that keep me in drinking money, yet I drink because of my students...
I don't drink as much as it may seem from reading this post, but drinking is definently one of the primary means of socializing in this country. Drinking after work, in bars, in apartments, outside, on the train. A choo-choo is a train. A Chu-hi is a fruit flavored alchoholic drink, perhaps the worlds finest breakfast alchohol. (Grapefruit, lemon, and strawberry-guava just to name a few flavors) Logicly speaking, a choo-choo chu-hi is an after work beverage drank on the train with your co-workers after bringing the miracle of english communication to the masses of Japan.
As an aside, while we're on the subject of drinking, let me tell you that Mexico has absoloutly nothing on Okinawa. Perhaps I should start at the beginning though... I was sitting in a bar drunk. I had been invited to said bar by my roommate, to celebrate it's 30th year in opperation. Being close to his friends house, it was a bar in which they had spent many a night, and it was indeed a wonderful bar. I walked in wearing my "Hello, I see the assassins have failed" shirt to find (pause for breath) a Guinness tap, and even better, all drinks were 500 yen apiece all night long. Not one to stand on ceremony, I proceeded to drink Guinness and 21yr old scotch after first lifting a glass to the Celtic drinking brigade. So I was pretty drunk. Scanning the bar, for my next drink, I saw it. A large bottle, it looked like one of those large V8 bottles with the label removed, with no tax stam p, brand name or writing of any kind to identify it's contents. (Looked like it had been brewed in someone's bathtub or backyard to be honest) Just clear alchohol and a foot long viper in the bottom. Did I fail to mention the snake? Yes, instead of the puny worm which is preserved in tequilla, this mystery brew had an honest to god, fang posessing, scary ass snake in the bottle. It was coiled up, but had you taken it out it would have been about a foot or so long. Nobody had noticed it before, but after talking with the bartender, I learned that it was a traditional Okinawan drink (served on the rocks) known as Habushu, and the snake was a traditional Okinawan poisionous viper. Did I have the stones to drink it? Of course I did. How can you not drink something so forbidding? For the record, I suspect that it had an extremly high alchohol content, but it tasted like watered down scotch and snake. Not the chicken taste familiar to anyone who has eaten snake, this stuff tasted like a reptile house smelled. I would really, really hate to have a hangover off of Habushu. No, seriously.

ADVENTURES IN TOKYO! (WITH BEER!)

I went to Tokyo the other day with some of my co-workers. They invited me along to go check out the Yebisu beer museum, and I hadn't been into Tokyo yet. We first went to Kabuki-cho and wandered around looking at all the fine hostess clubs, phone bars, strip clubs and sex shops. After that we went to the museum and had a good time sampling many of the brewery's fine prouducts. After that, we went to the museum of contemporary photography, a place sure to suck all the joy out of your life, and depressed, went to eat curry. Later on that night, we went to a party, where I learned how my co-workers view me. One guy put forth the most common description, that I am "John Candy crossed with Eminem." (The most common description) One of the poor souls who made the foolish mistake of talking about history with me put forth that I was better described as "Homer Simpson meets Eminem meets Stephen Hawking." Some girl tried to add on Steve Erkil on acount of my suit with bracers, but it never caught on. All I can say is, it's nice to be making an impression...

On a more domestic note, I'm beginning to suspect that mabye, just mabye, I'm sharing an apartment complex with several folks who make their living in an organized illeagal sort of way. You see, I didn't want to mention it before, but some things were strange. Perhaps the thing that made me start to wonder were the midnight drop-offs. My balcony faces the street, and many times I'm out at one in the morning smoking. Over the past few weeks, At about one or two in the morning, a car will show up, packed with people to drop someone off. Lots of thuggish men with non-business like haircuts and really nice, expensive suits will get out and stand around the car like a guard, while the man getting dropped off bows like a maniac to someone in the car. But hey, I thought it was just my suspicious nature, so I didn't mention it to anybody. Then, the other day, when my roommate and I were taking out the trash, we ran into two of said men coming out of an apartment. Based on my theory that you should always be considerate of others, I wished them a good evening, and they responded. We walked around the corner to find a minivan parked near the trash drop off. This van was packed, and it had the Praetorian guard as always. Sitting in the front seat was a man talking hurridly on a cell phone, and as I was studying the car, our eyes made contact. So I bowed slightly, and he did the same. We dropped off our trash, and strolled back past the car. As soon as we were out of earshot, my roommate started wispering "Don't look back, don't look back!' Afterwards he was like "Holy shit, we've got gangsters in our block..." Neither of us were too worried, from what I can gather, the criminals here are pretty well behaved. Still, it's kind of cool. Oh, and for the reccord, I'm not claming that these are the affiliated sort of gentlemen with lots of tattoos. I suspect that they're just your garden variaty thuggish sort. Anyway, I'm off,

Strange Days

2005-06-30T07:11:00.000+09:00

Ok, so the other day I had a scary moment. I was teaching two girls a lesson in talking about the past weekend. One of the activities involved looking at a schedule and explaining what that person had done over the weekend. The girls were ok, although one of them had the freaky alien thing going on. When we were done, the more conventionally pretty (and alienesque) girl began trying to talk to me about schedules, and I'm not talking about the ones in the book. I managed to play dumb until the other girl explained all too clearly that the alien wanted to know my schedule. Now, I'll do many things, but I'm not gonna go down for spittin game at a freakin grey. I told her that I work every day and am never free. Ever. What else was I to do? On another note, later in my day I had a one on one lesson with another girl in her late twenties. She could have been cute, but her grill was a little jacked up. Se was so eager for praise it was almost sad, clapping her hands whenever I complemented her at being good at something. I asked her why she took english, and she told me that it was for entertainment. That really depressed me, that someone could have so much free time and so little human interaction. I mean, she's shoveling out bucketfuls of cash for every lesson, and she had a few more lessons lined up after me! That someones high point could be coming in to have scripted conversations with gaijin who are getting paid for it?! I heard about housewives who came to lessons for entertainment, and I knew there were plenty who came for the conversation, but this was the first time I knew point blank what the deal was. It just scares/saddens me that I'm the company. I mean, I'm just an English language mercernary. What scares me even more is the fact that when I first wrote this blog in my notebook, I didn't understand how anyone could be so cut off. I mean, I've had low points, but never enough that I took up another language just to get out of the house. Until now. Wandering around today, I realized that I understand exactly what's going thorough her head. What I mean is, right now I'm living a rather closed life. I have friends here (sort of) who are all very nice, and some of them are even the sort I would normally go out of my way to become friends with. But still, to be new and foreign here is to be cut off. My friends have different days off, and while I can go out on my days off, many times you feel only more isolated roming alone without any clear destination. (Never underestimate the predictability of stupitidy, the other day I was in an english language bookstore, right next to travel guides and did I buy one? No. Now I need to go back and get one, if only so I have some idea of where to go when I'm free.) So, what's the plan? Join things, clubs, lessons, anything. Right now I'd go out for the all male Olympic circle jerk squad just to get out more. First on the list though, is Japanese. I have the distinct feeling that if I could actually understand oh say about even 20% of what I see and hear in a given day, I'd be much more at home. After that? That damn travel guide I'm going back to buy on saturday. Next? An I-pod, because if I'm gonna assault Japan on my own, at least I can have a soundtrack rather that the voices in my head. Anything else? Clubs, kendo, akido, something, anything, I don't give a fuck. You see, I have come to understand the lady taking English. But I've gotten a little off course, this blog was really about the lady and my reaction to her. You see, some people at this job really hate or have contempt for their students. While I know that becoming somewhat jaded is fairly inevitable, I hope that I never let it get to the point of hatred or contempt, if only for the sake of people like the lady in class...

A Bridge of Tolerance Across Nations

2005-06-29T01:42:00.000+09:00

It may seem that I'm making an awful lot of posts all in one day, but in reality, many of them have been kicking around my head for the last few days. Most of my ideas come to me when I'm not actually sitting at my computer, mainly when I'm waiting for the train. Having become weary of writing my ideas down on pieces of scrap paper, I've taken to writing all my ideas in a handy moleskine notebook that Dave gave me. It is the literary sketch book, where all my ideas and random thoughts germinate. Because of that, I've been sitting on top of several posts, I've just been too lazy to write them.
In the intrest of brevity, I shall skip the story of how I spent a delightful evening drinking with my co-workers on the steps of the pachinko parlour, while watching the red haired tribes of Japanese dance nomads.
On the 24th of June, I went in to teach an English class. I had been teaching for the last week or so, and was becoming more comfortable, but I still had frequent attacks of nerves. It was a good day however, and I decided to have some fun. I had selected a lesson on generalizations, thinking it would be fun, especially after I realized that the lesson came with pictures of various ethnicities doing sterotypical things. As anyone familar with me can attest, I have a great fondness for sterotypes, both of myself and others. My class was made up of two men, one very skilled guy who I had never met and one who was not so quick. The slow one more than made up for it by being a game lad though. So we began. At first they were edgy about making generalizations about people, especially Americans. (They weren't sure how I'd react) I insisted on sterotyping Americans first, the better to show them what a nice, fun loving guy I was. That, and I was prepairing them for later when we would sterotype Japanese people. The generalzations were fairly mild, (all Americans eat cheeseburgers at every meal, all Japanese women wear kimonos) After each one however, I made sure to make their partner refute the statement. ("Some might do it, but not everyone...") Still, the first time one of my charges read in halting english "All Mexicans eat tacos" I felt a growing since of evil glee. I was making a difference. I was giving someone the language skills to go abroad and yet still be an asshole. It was great, and because of the fun we were having, perhaps my finest lesson to date. Spurred on by my expert teachings, my students began using the language to express sterotypes that the book never mentioned. The highlight of the lesson cam during the activities and application stage, where the students put their newfound knowlege to use. The book had a series of pictures of foods, methods of transportations, etc. They had become quite adept, laughing while sterotyping Japanese people. (They eat rice at every meal) Moving down the line of pictures, I idly tapped a picture of a bike and inquired "what about bikes?" Both students started to grin. They glanced at each other for confirmation that they were thinking the same thing, then in unison shouted out "All Chinese people ride bikes everywhere!!" Success! I punched my fist in the air. They had so mastered the techneque that they tapped into a collective Japanese sterotype of Chinese people, then translated it into english. I can only describe my feeling as being akin to a mother bird watching her fledglings leave the nest. It was great, we spent the rest of the class having a grand old time, and when I left there were many thanks directed at me for my skilled teaching.

Oh yes, before you ask what kind of stuff we're teaching, I think the point of the lesson was to teach people how to refute generalizations in english, but who really gives a rats ass...

If you're looking for Hot Japanese girls, you'd best go to Kansas

2005-06-29T01:23:00.000+09:00

BECAUSE ALL THE HOT ONES ARE IN THE STATES!!!!!

It may interest you to know that "language exchange" is apparantly code for "you want this gaijin dick?" (Or vice versa depending on who's talking) Inspired by all the love going around, I checked a Japanese personals site.
What did I find?
- Sumo wrestling, buck-toothed, pop-eyed she-beasts who looked like they would suck the meat right off the bone and crack the bones for the marrow. I mean cause' damn. It was like Beowulf '05 or some horrific villians roster from the porno adaptation of Batman. Honestly, I was afraid to even be at the site for fear that Gojira's mother would burst through the wall, ham bone in hand, like that wrestler from the slim jim commercal.
"YOU GIVE ME ENGLISH LESSON AND DEEP LOVING NOW!!!!!"

Brrrrr....

On a related note, (likley due to the Batman porno) lately I've been consumed with the idea of getting a dildo helmet and leaping on and off the train with my hands on my hips, yelling "It's Choado Boy!!!"

Prior to posting the above, I was writing some notes (to help me remember) while waiting for the train to work. Writing down the Choado boy part had me cracking up out loud, disconcerting the people who had to share a bench with a maniacly cackling gaijin. Now, if there's something that scares Japanese more than a 200+ pound gaijin laughing at something in his head, I haven't found it.
Having myself a time in Japan,

My Bad

2005-06-25T21:16:00.000+09:00

It turns out, that if spikey the gremlin did indeed say Kabuki-cho, then I made a slight error. Kabuki is the Japanese theater. Kabukicho is the sex mecca of tokyo, a seedy run down area east of shinjuku filled with hostess clubs, strip clubs, etc... If you're a westerner, you can't walk anywhere without being approached by scruffy looking african men (african, not black) trying to get you to come to a strip club. Interesting neh? I still got the points for theater though...

Impressing the Locals

2005-06-24T23:08:00.000+09:00

So today I had my one week review, it went well. Because of the kindness shown to me in Japan so many years ago, I do honestly want to help the students I teach learn english. Plus, they are paying a thick roll of cash, and I always try to help people get their money's worth. Apparantly, my sincerity shows through to my students when I teach, a fact that my overlords at the firm appreciate. While there are a few areas upon which I must work, on the whole it was a succesful lesson. Later on in my day, I had a voice class, which is for the express purpose of talking with people. My past two classes of the sort have been held exclusivly for the use of the more lower ranked students, to give them an enviroment in which they can causally talk with a native in a non teaching situation, without having more proficent students in the room making them nervous. Most of the low ranked sessions involve games, to better draw out use of english in a non study manner. The second of the two classes was filled primarily with young students, teenaged and early twenties. While there were a few older students, on the whole it was a night for youth. Now, I must say that walking in to teach a class like this is akin to teaching a class filled with minimal english speaking gremlins. (The movie, not the myth) There's one cheaky lad in paticular I like, who sits in the corner of the room with his spiky red hair and talks like he's got a mouthfull of marbles. While I only understand about one word in ten, he's bright. THe first class I had with him I had people giving me words in english that match a letter of the alphabet. When we got to G, he gave me gruotesque. So. On the second night we met, (night of the young gremlins) we were all playing a game of word association. Like, I say cold, and the next person has to give a word associated with cold, like snow. And so on. Now, I was having a good time. On one side of me was spikey the mush mouth, who's turn was directly before mine. The girl who's turn came after me was being given paticular respect, on account that I would give her new and difficult associations. (For example, spikey said Cadillac, I said rims) (How's that for an edubacation!) When they they were denied in their futile attempts to trip me up, I pointed out the fact that mabye, just mabye I had the slightest advantage in english language word games due to the fact that last time I checked, I came from an english speaking country. In hopes of tripping me up, they began to switch to using japanese festivals and the like in hopes of making me stumble. Foolish, foolish young padawans... Spikey led it off by choosing as his associated word "Nihon", to which I promply associated "Island". Sneaky, sneaky. There was a raising of eyebrows that I had avoided his trap, but the game continued. The next attempt didn't come for a few more rounds, by which point I had relaxed and was leaning back with my arm over the chair. One girl had made her association "Actor", to which Spikey mumbled "Kabuki-Cho" When he said it, there was a murmer of aproval, both for his inspired choice of association, as well as his clever gambit to mess me up. Without stirring, without leaning, without any hesitation, (still leaning back I might add) I looked to the girl on my right, flashed the Han Solo grin and said "theater". A wave of inrushed air hissing across teeth flashed through the room, as people exclaimed at my masterful play. Not only had he failed to give me a moments pause, I had succesfully associated a Japanese word with an English one, all while acting like I hadn't noticed the attempted kick in the spokes. From then on it was easy. To my great amusement, I saw two of the students conversing in english (I think so I would hear them) that at one time, in some distant past I must of somehow had some kind of experience with things Japanese. (They all knew I had only come to Japan two weeks earlier) So their respect for me went up. After the failed Kabuki-Cho gambit, there were no more attempts to trip me up. It was funny. Anyway, I'm deep in the lab writing up more tasty tidbits for you, my dear readers, but it's midnite and I have to get up at six. Story time another day kids,
Night,

A WEDDING! A WEDDING!

2005-06-24T00:03:00.000+09:00

This blog is for no other purpose than to happily announce the marriage of two of my most favorite and beloved people in the world; Raquita and Jerry
I wanted to call and wish them well before they set off for Jamaica, but alas, by the time I called they had already departed. They are both amazingly wonderful people in their in their own right, and although I am not a normally religious man, the chance by which they met, and the amazing bond between the two of them is truly a gift from above. Jerry has been foremost among the deepest and best friends of my life, ever since we first met in grade school. Although I have not known Raquita for nearly as long, her presence in my life (as well as Jerry's ;) has been a blessing and a privilege from the first day I met her.
Although saddened that I could not attend, I wanted to post this in recognition of the upcoming happy event.
CONGRATULATIONS YOU TWO KNUCKLEHEADS!
May your wedding day be but one among the many wonderful days ahead that I wish and foresee for you both.
My love always,

A trip to the post office, domestic shenanagans

2005-06-22T17:26:00.000+09:00

Ok, so the other day I recieved a notice from the post office that I had recieved a package, but because I wasn't home, they couldn't leave it. The Firm had told me that my bank card would be delivered by mail, but that I would have to sign for it, so if it was delivered while I was at work I would have to go to the post office and get it. If I didn't pick it up within seven days, it would be returned to the bank and destroyed, and it would take months and months of red tape to get another one issued. Thankfully, the post office has a 24hr pickup window for hard working salarymen who work seven days a week. With that in mind, the next night after getting off work and making the commute home, I got directions from Dan and set off on foot. (At about 11:30 pm) According to him, it was not a short walk, but I knew damn sure I wouldn't want to make it in the morning before work. I merrily set off upon the way, passport in hand (I don't have my Gaijin card yet) and camera in my backpack. Now, when Dan said it was not a short walk, he wasn't kidding. I think it ended up being about 2 miles each way, and while that's not that bad, for an American accoustomed to driving everywhere, it was a long ass walk, compounded by the fact that Japan is muggy as hell during the rainy season. About halfway through the journey, I began to regret not bringing provisions; had I company I would have been forced to eat their flesh and drink their blood for sustanance. That said, the walk was wonderful. It reminded me forcefully of why I came to Japan in the first place. Did you know that the sound of high speed racing bikes in the distant night sounds like the Endor speeder bikes from Return of the Jedi? I kept on walking through the night, past apartment blocks, factories and trains rushing through the night. As you get further from the station, in places you will come across rice paddies who's insects come to life in warning as you pass. At one place (after a wrong turn) I came to a cemetary. You could still smell the insence that had been burning at the graves. Across the street from the cemetary was a large grove of those Japanese pine trees that you always see in the movies, branches rustling in the wind, moon riding high above the trees. I stood there for a moment, just drinking it in. In the not so distant rice paddy I could still hear the insects chirping, joined at last by at least two different kinds of frogs. (One had a really deep croak, almost a growl) It was beautiful. There wasn't enough light for a picture, but it's just as well, for it forced me to lock the image into my memory rather than just being a tourist and taking a picture. After a time I resumed walking, moving deeper into Miyahara. Now, one thing I love about Japan is the way in which the old and new co-exist. I passed some modern apartments, and then a series of large personal homes. One large house in paticular was striking, it looked old as hell, like an original farmhouse that had been passed down from generation to generation. I finaly made it to the post office, although the directions I had been given were vague as hell. The package was a gift from my family, filled with a shirt, some chocolate, a book and my harmonica. I made the return journey with even more bounce in my step, (the journey home is always easier) once again scaring the frogs and insects to life. It was good. As soon as I get a bike, I'm gonna go back in the daytime and get a picture of the grove. On a more domestic note, I think I've gone mad. I'm doing all manner of domestic, bugeting things that I would never trouble myself with back home. Because it's hot here, I frequently wander around town in an undershirt, hat cocked to the side. (And I'm not alone) I sit in my tatami floored room, in snap pants and an undershirt counting my money like I was in a broke down asian rap video (I keep it clean in my Y-T, count change in my Y-T....) The money situation paticularly amuses me. Because it's Japan, and they don't really roll off credit alot, everybody carries around large rolls of cash that could choke a donkey. If I'm carrying less than 5,000 yen, (aprox $50) I feel like I'm traveling light. Now, one of the reasons I carry alot of cash is because I still can't read much kanji, so I'm never certain what I'm ordering or where I'm eating. Although prices are generally clearly marked, you never know when your gonna mistake a hostess bar for a ramen-ya and need the extra cash. (Although any place named "Snack Fairy" should be avoided on G.P.) The only thing that's dangerous about carrying that much money around on a daily basis (I"m going to the ciggarette machine, I'd better take 10,000") is the fact that at any given time you can pretty much buy whatever you want short of a new car, etc. That means that if you're gonna survive without blowing your paycheck, you'd better learn to resist snap impulse. To that end, I have began going to the grocery. It's a hell of a lot cheaper, and I'd rather save my money for going out. I mean, which would you choose: eating by yourself at McDonalds on a one hour lunch break or having a little peace of mind when some crazy Japanese chick starts trying to order everything on the menu. I went to the supermarket today, and now in addition to my supply of instant noodles and spagetti I have english muffins and strawberry jam. (Disturbingly enough, I was actually comparing prices, a loaf of bread would have been cheeper than the muffins, but increased happiness resulting from muffins and jam were worth the extra expendature) I would have gotten cereal, but I don't have room in the fridge for milk. At the store I decided that my next goal is to find instant oatmeal, or have some sent to me. (I'll be damned know how to say instant oatmeal; do you? I'd probably misspeak and end up with special eel and salt flavored oatmeal) I want oatmeal because it's dried and takes up less space, and that means I wouldn't have to eat spagetti or ramen for every meal. Oatmeal for breakfast and noodles for lunch and dinner. (On sunday's I get meat. YEEEEEEE-HAWWWWWW!) I'm just kidding, I do get some meat and vegatables, espically when I eat out. After I shopped for grocceries, I went to the D2 (Kind of like the asian love child of Home Depot and Bed, Bath and Beyond) by my house to get shampoo and soap. While there I decided to try to find a fingenail brush (for purposes unnameable) and wonders of wonders, I succeded through the use of pantomime. Buoyed on by my triumph, I decided to try for a lint brush. Before you ask, let me tell you that a lint brush is a valuable commodity, akin to gasoline in the Road Warrior. If you have anything with the slightest lint making capabilities, it will infect all your clothes with it's evil white fluff. According to Dan, (who has been here since October) his efforts to locate such a mythical device have met with naught but failure. Using an ancient techneque known as asking someone I succeded in finding one not sixty feet from our apartment. (Who's your great communicator now?) It gives me great hope for finding oatmeal. Anyway, that's all the talky words I have for now.

Japan is Surreal

2005-06-20T22:22:00.000+09:00

Well, work is going fairly good right now, although I still am facing my one week review. At least I'm not filled with an overwhelming sense of dread every time the bell rings to start another class. My teaching alternates, either I feel like a draconian by the book teacher, or I feel like I'm just hanging out with someone. It's satisfying when you manage to pull something off and walk away knowing that your student can do something at the end of class that they couldn't before. That satisfaction is tempered when you realize that they'll probably forget it by the next time you see them, and then you'll have to do it all over again. (I'm laughing at the realization that Dave probably goes through this feeling every time he teaches me something...) Sometimes in class it's scary, because although I'm the teacher, the students know the system better than I do. There are all sorts of key words that have been trained into them to get them to do certain tasks, and for the life of me I can't remember any of them. Merrily I sit in class confusing the bejesus out of poor hard working salarymen and bored housewives as I try to convince them to do what I want them to do. "For god's sake man! Ask the girl on the right a question about her hobbies! Not me! No! Don't repeat that, that was an example!" Then I stumble upon the correct trigger word, and everyone jumps to it with a speed that would make a drill sergent proud. Ahh, but sometimes it all works out. So. Today I had a surreal moment. On my lunch break I went for a walk in the immeadiate area around work. I'm walking down the street, sipping on an iced coffee, and just taking in the view. It's a beautiful day, so nice that I can hear music just like I was in a movie with the soundtrack bleeding through. I'm looking at the shopfront windows, and I come upon a shop labled "Kingpin". Yes my friends, it was a hip hop gear shop, filled with fubu and Rocca wear, etc. So I laugh, and keep walking, past the check cashing shops and hostess bars (although those are down the alleys) Not twenty feet on, I come upon another Hip hop shop, (I'm not calling them that, it's what the sign said) filled with kangol hats and any other type of rap related clothing. "Two in one block?" It seemed a little strange, but what the hell. I keep walking down the street, marveling at how perfect of a movie scene this would make, with the sun, the shops, the piano version of "Time goes by" playing in my head... "Where the hell did 'Time goes by' come from and how did it get in my head?" I wondered to myself. Then, in front of my third hip hop shop (In a two tiny block radius) I realized that the music was coming from cleverly placed speakers up on the light posts. Now, many Japanese light posts have speakers, the better to issue emergency warnings and admonitions not to litter. In this case, the sneaky bastard were playing soothing music at a volume loud enough to be audible, but low enough to make me think it was playing in my head. Then, on the way back, I came across yet a fourth hip hop shop (It was on the other side of the street) and a black guy crossing from one shop to another. (They were about twenty feet apart, diagonaly) We nodded at each other and kept rolling, each in our seperate directions. Now, this might not seem like that strange of a story to you, but when taken all in at once, it was decidely bizzare. I went back to work and resumed another hard day's labour confusing the natives. Oh, and before I forget, the amount of music knowlege here is scary. There's one type of class where I'm just supposed to sit in a room and talk with students about whatever comes into our heads. (Except WW II, that is expressly forbidden and against "The Firm's" company policy) I've had two of these classes, and upon finding I'm from St.Louis the conversation invariably turns to either So Taguchi or Jazz music. And the amount of Jazz music knowlege is scary, I had two guys debating the merits of John Coltrain and Louie Armstrong Vs. some of the more contemporary Jazz artists who's names escape me at the moment. Because I'm from a Jazz and Blues town, they keep wanting to know my opinion on the artists, and I keep needing to bullshit them and mutter some strangness about each having their own merits. God. Anyway, I'm off.
Laters

Web Logs and Leavetakings

2005-06-19T21:29:00.000+09:00

I just tuned into some of my friends blogs, and it's strange. While you might talk with somone, and actualy be fairly open with your thoughts, it's quite strange to see some of what is written about you when you're gone. It's moving really, it brings home how much you might mean to people in a way that we as people often have trouble expresing in person. A blog, if written well, gets into the juicy meat of the mind. In my case, I write in my blog to tell those at home what I'm up to. Because I'm writing to a specfic audiance, it brings those that are far away from me close again, as I write and picture their reactions. I agree with much that was written in those other blogs though, the feeling that there is a void somwhere in you, and you don't know quite how to fill it. As one person described, colours don't seem as bright and food dosn't tast as good. I fully agree. Although I have embarked on this great adventure, I keep thinking to myself that "well, it's been fun, but I can't wait to go over to Jerry's and just chill out. Or mabye stop off in the pub with Justin and hoist a few..." But that's when I realize that I'm here for the next fucking year! And then it's just saddening. What I mean is, the pain of leaving sucks. One one hand, you want the sadness to fade, both for yourself and for those you've left. Nobody want's their abscence, or the abscence of their friends to be like a permanant, low grade ache in peoples minds. In the next moment, you don't want it to fade, because you don't want to loose the connection you have with others, don't want them to forget you. Logicly, you know that won't happen, because your friendship is too deep, but at the same time, I realize that like Rip van Winkle, I'm losing a year in the life of my friends. Birthday's, triumphs, good days and bad, I'll miss them all, or at least be to far away to do anything about it. You wonder, will things be irrovoccably changed? Yes. For the better? I hope. It's just funny how, as much as I might enjoy myself at any given time, there is the realization that I would enjoy it more if I had my peoples to share it with. I see something crazy, I want to nudge one of my friends and be like "check that shit out". I want to hold my goddaughter again, and laugh my ass off when Jerry dresses up like Bear in the Big Blue House. I want to see Jerry and Raquita finally get married together in Jamacia. I want to drink expensive Congac with my fencing teacher, and crack jokes about happless neophytes who smell like burnt latex. Or hit the pub with my friends, ogle the Janets and make general asses of ourselves. All of these things go through my mind at one time or another. What keeps me on my path is the drive to improve myself, to be able to point at something special and say "I did that". My other goal stems from that I have told you all my stories, and like Musashi retreating to a farm to contemplate, I have come to Japan to gain new ones. I just worry about the ones I'm leaving behind.

Special Blog

2005-06-19T20:21:00.000+09:00

HAPPY FATHERS DAY!

This blog is for all the Fathers holding down their business.
Extra Dangerous shouts out to:
Jerry Henderson the Third,
On his first Fathers Day ever.
Father of two lovely kids,
my fencing teacher Dave Achilleus
and of course,
most of all,
mine own beloved da.

Daimushi rides again

2005-06-18T23:27:00.000+09:00

My first day is over. Walking home from the station, suit on, bracers flashed for full pimpin effect. Slightly drunk from a night out with my co-workers with my umbrella over my shoulder like Toshiro Mifune, and the "Little Greenbacks" song from Resevior Dogs playing in my head. I'm solid. I have faced the job, and although it might seem strange now, I can hack it. Why? Because, I'll be damned if I've met the country yet that can stop me. Night kids, daddy's got work in the morning...

A good night, a wasted day

2005-06-17T19:30:00.000+09:00

I'm a bit worried. Everyone talked of the feeling of euphoria I would be blessed with when I arrived in Japan, but so far I haven't felt it. Not that thing's are bad per se, it's just that I'm not exactly walking on sunshine. I suspect that my lack of boundless joy has to do with the fact that this trip entails so many new adjustments, like budgeting, ironing, a roommate, a new job and a new country. (Along with generaly acting like the grown-ass man I should have been a long ago) The job training alone is patcularly harrowing, akin to training for the Olympics by getting cut several times before being thrust into shark infested waters. (More on that later) Truthfully, I've got enough new adjusments that sometimes I forget that I am indeed on a new and great adventure. Now, before I get too deep into describing work and all, there are a few requests for more descrptions, things like my room, neighborhood and the fresh, delecious sushi I consume at every meal. (Just kidding) I hate to break it to you all, but I haven't had any sushi yet. My diet so far has been in the main, big macs and top ramen. Yes I've had Japanese food, but much of my time has been spent rushing around, and McDonalds is distressingly convienent. That and the fact that I'm living in Japan's sole land locked prefecture has made sushi something I haven't gotten to yet. Now for my room. Although I picked the nicest of the choices available to me, my room could best be described as spartan. (Dave, you would love it) It's about eight feet by twelve, floored in tatami with a window and a door to the balcony. Oh, with a clothes rack and a closet. That's it. I sleep on a futon, and when I wake up in the morning, if I want more room I roll it up and put it in the closet. I picked this room because it's much more bright and cheerful than any of the other rooms, and although it's far away from the apartments single air conditioner, the fact that I have a window (some rooms don't) allows me to get a nice breeze. Because the walls are white and the cealing is wood, the room takes the outdoor light alot better and is much nicer to spend time in. In addition, the sun faces my windows, and I can leave the curtains open to help wake me up in the morning. Now as for the nieghbors, I haven't met any. They're there all right, but I think they're hiding from me. (There's nothing like barbarians to drive down your property value) If you think I'm exagerating, let me tell you that the other day when I got on the train in a suit, one couple started whispering and looking at me like I was Sleeper in a country club. Then they switched cars. So. That's how it stands with the neighbors. The only ones I know live several blocks away, and are themselves gaijin. But now to work. Oh work. The on the job training is enough to drive a sane man mad, they throw tons of information at you then thrust you into a classroom to teach to poor Japanese test subjects. It's fun in a "I'm having so much fun I'm going to start eating my fingers sort of way". To date I've taught about six full lessons, each one forty minutes long, some good and some bad. I'd have to say that my first lesson was the worst, a one on one lesson with some poor lady. Now, each lesson is broken down into about seven parts with a recomended time for each segment. That means you have to keep track of the time in a room with no clock, but god forbid that your students should catch you looking at your watch. I blew through the first lesson. Those recomended times? I pretty much threw them on the ground, stomped on them, lit them on fire and pissed in the ashes. It was bad. A forty minute lesson, and at twenty minutes I had already completed the final stage. Sooooo, I had to stall for time for the next twenty min, able at any time to look up and see my suprivising instructor sitting in the next cubicle taking note of everything I sad and did. It was horrible. The next one was better, enough to give me more of a feeling that I might, just might be able to do this job. So, they're all still nerve wracking, and tomorrow I go for my first full day at work. It's really a trial by fire, because Saturday morning is the busiest day of the week, and I have the morning shift. To be more explicit, tomorrow I will get up at seven, shower and shave, and take the half-hour train ride to a place I've never been. I will be put into the classroom to teach eight, forty min lesson, with ten minutes in between each lesson to grade and file the previous students, find the files of my next students, review them, select the most sutible lesson for them all, (taking into consideration desire, aptitude and number of times the lesson has been taken) and mabye, just hopefully, get a chance to look the lesson over before I actually have to teach it. After a week of this, an instructor will sit in and watch me teach, grading me on my performance. It's the first step to getting off probation, which will last aproxamatly three months. Fun huh? So that's what I'm facing. Now, for the social life. The night before my last day of training I went out with my roommate Dan the turnaround king. I call him that because of the speed at which he reverses his setbacks. He had been supposed to have a girl he was talking to come over on the night in question, but she cancelled at the last min. I got the message as I was leaving the train station about a five min walk from my home and told him I would go out with him, (in war, every solider must do his duty) and headed home to change. While changing clothes, I got the message that he had found a new girl, and we were all to go out to dinner. Quick isn't it? Now, this girl was smoking hot. Picture Kit, but then through the use of strange and dangerous mutagens, turn her Japanese. Anyway, we went out to a little resturant where you grill your own food in the center of the table, and that's where I realized that Japanese chicks are ghetto as hell. The music in the background was rap, and this girl was ordering all kinds of strange food like tounge and spicy entrails, all the while smoking Kools... Rap, Kools and spicy entrails. That's ghetto. I ate primaraly beef, but never fear, I tried every food at least once. (My roommate wouldn't) Grilled entrails in lemon juice are acutally kind of like chewing a meaty piece of thick cellophane. It was at the resturant that it came home forcefully to me that I am not Japanese. So much food was ordered that there was plenty left uneaten, and I was doing my best to eat it. Dan pointed out that polite Japanese leave food on their plate, and I was like "Fuck that! I paid for it, I'm eating it." I might do that in someone's home, but insofar as a resturant goes, I bought it, and I'm not leaving it on the plate to make a gesture of politeness. So that was the night before my final day of training. The next day (last night) I completed my on the job training, and I felt kind of bad. Not about the training, but because I had recieved an invatation (by text message) to go out drinking in Shinjuku with the guys from the last blog. Now, it was nine o'clock, with a forty minute train ride to Shinjuku. The last train home for me left at 11:30, which ment that I either had time for one drink, or I was gonna spend the night in Shinjuku. I didn't really want to go, but then I felt bad. "What has happened to me?" I asked myself. "Once I would have jumped at the chance, who have I become?" I felt bad for a minute, dear reader, because I felt I was letting you down. Here I am, pleged to go out and find new stories to amuse and entertain, and I was contemplating going home and relaxing. I wondered if I was letting myself down as well, for missing the chance to suck life dry of all it's vital juices. But I decided not to worry about it. At one time I would have debated my choice and confered with you, my friends as to the proper decision. But I'm here and you are not, so I made my decision not to go. So I went home. I called up the couple that loaned me a towel and headed over there to return it. I spent a nice couple of hours drinking tea and talking about work with them, and left making tenative plans to go out to a local yakatori bar next week. I then went to the convience mart and successfully figured out how to recharge my calling card, and bought a couple of Guinness' for a celabratory drink. So I went home happy, content in my decisions and satisfied that I had had a succesful and prouductve day. I got home to find my roommate running through the house in a frenzy. Turns out that he had got a call from the girl from the night before, and that she and one of her friends (who by chance works at my branch) wanted to meet for a drink. So we went, merrily drinking down the Guinness as a fortifacation for the road. Dan had one, I had two. So we met at this resturant, and things were going nicely. Had a bite to eat and another large beer and a little conversation. Found out that in this country at least, fencing does kind of impress girls and confirmed my theory of Japanese girls. (Both smoked menthols) After a time it was decided that karaoke was a good idea, so we hit the karaoke bar next door, and booked a private room for two hours. Now, a karaoke bar is a dangerous place. When you pay for the singing room, you also get a selection of drinks which are for the duration, on the open bar policy. Now, I wasn't going to mack on my roommates girl, and I find it a bad policy to holla at people you work with, so I pretty much decided not to waste time trying to impress anybody, and to just have fun. I got a screwdriver, and at my request, the bar made it a strong one. (To decompress from my training day) So we started singing. Now, the girls sang both in English and Japanese, while Dan and I sang primarily in English. The songs are where things got interesting. Dan had many songs which he knew to choose from, things like Weezer and other bands. I didn't have that option, so I decided to go with what I knew. Things like... Johnny Cash, Sir Mix-a-lot, etc. Oh, and just to represent the Lou, I also did Nelly. (Hot in here) They know about Nelly here, he's the only thing they know about St.Louis. Now, as for the drinks, I think I might have scared some people. You see, Japanese guys are notorious for having a rather low tolerance, and we have already discovered the I am not Japanese. In addition, I am also a graduate both of Nick's pub and of Fencing afterperties. My principle on the drinks was once again "I bought em', I'm drinkin' em'..." So, I was throwing it back like prohibition had just been repealed, and each one of them was double strength. By the end of the night, I was singing James Brown (Sex Machine) while reading the screen with my newfound powers of double vision. I might add, my pedegree chums, that I did in fact, take it to the bridge. So, the end result was that I walked home (Clearly drunk, but still relativly steady) at four in the morning and spent my day off in bed with a hangover. Woke up around five, did laundry and wrote this post. I'm gonna go call my mom and go to bed in preperation for the gauntlet tomorrow that will be my first day on the job. Wish me luck,
Laters

First day on the Job

2005-06-14T22:07:00.000+09:00

If you're wondering why I've been out of commission for the past few days, I've been undergoing orientation and my first day at work. The night before orientation, I went out with my roomates friends from his branch to welcome a girl who had just transferred to their branch. We went bowling, and I shared a lane with the girl who transferred and her boyfriend, both of whom seemed cool as hell. Now, this may seem a bit of a non sequitur seeing that the subject of this blog was my first two days at work. Bide a moment though. Sitting in orientation, I found myself wondering how cut out for the job I was. Upon reflection, I realized that what I was going through was just the normal pre-job jitters. In orientation, I learned that my working post will be about ten train stops from my home. Upon reflection, I realized that I had been posted to the same branch that the girl from the night before had just left. Even better, her boyfriend still works at the branch I'll be working at. That means, I'll be able to hang out with people from my branch and the people I've already been hanging out with at the same time. Convenient isn't it? After the orientation was over, I strolled down to the pub conveniently placed on the ground floor of the building to have a drink with my new found co-workers. I had a decent time, but I didn't talk with many people at first. Although I've been hanging out with people in my area, since I've gotten to Japan I've been much more cautious about my money and I wasn't certain of how deep I wanted to play the evening. So, I was busy keeping a low key profile, uncertain as to if I wanted to blow the money hanging out with people I probably wouldn't see much of. Then something happened that made me feel pretty good. My roommate had been text messaging me all day trying to find out where I was stationed. Right before hitting the pub I finally figured out how to mail him back, so I sent out the word. Sitting in the pub, making small talk, my phone all of a sudden started blowing up with text messages. Dan was sending back his his congratulations and advice, and the transfer girl also sent me a message. Sitting in Tokyo with people who I didn't know, I all of a sudden felt less alone. It's not that I felt that alone to begin with, but in coming here I've left behind all my friends and family, at least for a while. So it was cheering to get those messages. Anyway, in the pub I was a far cry from the man you all back home know. I wasn't really drinking, I was fairly quiet, etc. I followed the group to an izakaya, (Japanese pub) but limited myself to one beer, watching as the others ate and drank, periodically checking growing bill which was posted outside. (I was seated by the door) It was strange. After a time however, the girl I was sitting next to persuaded me to lighten up. One drink, two drinks, guess what kids? I'm baaaack! Now, I didn't get crunked like the Celtic brigade used get down at Nick's, but I was starting to come back into my own. Still in my suit, jacket off, bracers on, sleeves rolled up I sat there at the door to the room chain smoking, drinking, and talking 'bout the big and tasty. (Some of you know what I'm talking about) One of the funniest bits for me was when an Irish cat got up to order thirteen beers in Japanese and asked the waitress for thirty. The waitress wouldn't take the order at first, because she suspected that he didn't know what he was saying. The expression of relief on her face when I leaned out the door and cleared it up was he-larious. But maybe you had to be there. Almost missed the last train home (they stop running early on weeknights) and in the morning, jumped out of bed to get ready for work. (I didn't have to be there 'till one o'clock) So. To my first day on the job I went, once again in suit and tie. I've had nights out on the town that were less tiring, it's not that the job was that difficult, it's that there was tons of info to assimilate, and the natural desire to learn as much about my job as I could. They actually made me teach half of a class today, and tomorrow I'll have to teach a full one. They're not wasting any time, for after three day's of training and one day off, I will be thrust into the full eight hour day, teaching all my classes by myself. From then on, I'll be on probation for the next three months, with any tardies resulting in a salary decrease. (Actually, the salary penalty will is always in effect) So I'm going to bed, so I can get up bright and early, do some laundry, press a shirt and get to work. If I have more time tomorrow, I'll write again.
Laters,
Adam

Arrrival Of Daimushi

2005-06-13T00:26:00.000+09:00

whteboy
Originally uploaded by raquita.

He arrives - this is the lady of the Manor - Benticore's Lady - both of their muse - anyway I am making sure you all get a good look at the world Daimushi sends us- I'm not so sure how he will fare with Flickr so I'm sending this from my account for now! Dai you can change or delete this from your control area!

Vader Phone is coming to get you

2005-06-11T15:58:00.000+09:00

Wow. Ok. The last two days have been a bit crazy. I suppose I should start when I walked away from my family in the St. Louis airport. My family along with my godbrother Mooney came to see me off, and in a fit of idiocy I gave Mooney all of my smokes save three. He claimed I didn't need them since I was trying to cut down, and because I had just had one it seemed like a good idea at the time. I kept my goodbyes kind of short because I was worried that the longer I stayed, the harder it would be to go. So. I left, and hit the security gate. I took out my laptop as they requested, and handed it to the inspector so that she could verify that it was indeed a laptop. To my horror, she promply put it in a basket and shot it right threw the scanning gate that everyone had told me would wipe out my laptop's hard drive. (Keep in mind that this is aprox 3 min into my journey) Right about that time is when I really began regretting giving up all of my cigarettes. I left the inspection station cradling my laptop like a small child with a broken leg, only to find that my departure gate was about fifty feet from the inspection station, which meant that I could have hung out with my family until about 15min from departure. I spent a leisurely hour chewing on my left index finger, (gotta conserve the smokes) and then I was off. I found my flight in Detroit with no problems, and in fact was seated next to a few of my fellow new employees. (I'm omitting the name of the company I work for security purposes, henceforth it shall be known as "The Firm") I spent a little time talking with them, but the vast majority of the time was spent creeping them out with the thousand yard stare and my wooden, robotic like conversation. Now, flights to Japan are really, really long. There's time enough to go crazy, become sane, freak out, calm down, sleep for five hours and repeat the whole process again. Because I was flying on an American run airline, the food tasted like cardboard and only contributed to my general malaise. I believe the main topic of thought in my mind was "What the F*&K have I gotten myself into, and what exactly is an adverb?" Just the type of positive thinking I'm known to specialize in. After an eternity, the plane landed, and stepping out onto Japanese soil I felt as though a great weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I stepped to the bathroom to blow my nose before going through customs, at which time my nose began hemorrhaging. Tasty. I made some new friends that way though, two girls who were coming to work for "The Firm" and were kind enough to wait for me. I then had the distinct pleasure of negotiating my way into the country while disgusting the poor Japanese customs officials with my blood soaked Kleenex. Once I made it past customs I was greeted by representatives of "The Firm", and sent off on my merry way. I was instructed to meet a man who would take me to my apartment. The guy was from Bristol, although he had lived in Australia for the last 15 years, and we got along well. His fiance met up with us to help us find my apartment, and even loaned me a towel. (I had forgotten mine) Because my roommate wasn't home, we went back to their place for a drink and the towel. Very nice people. Now for the roommate. Looking around the apartment and reading the note he left for me, I began to suspect that we would get along just fine. In his note, he welcomed me to Japan and apologized that he was out working in a Tokyo comedy club. He did however invite me to help myself to the beer in the fridge, and looking about the apartment I discovered the broadband connection and the x-box, complete with GTA III and Vice city. So. He's a good guy. Loves Star Wars (although he like episode three) and is fond of RPG's. When he got home we went out to get something to eat, and the next day he went with me to the ward office to help me get my alien regisration card and show me where the supermarket was. (I suspect I'm going to live off ramen) While he assures me I brought enough money to live comfortably until my first paycheck, I'm still playing the financial angle rather cautiously. The evening of the second day was a little more strange. We spent the early part of the evening together as Dan (my roommate) attempted to drag me kicking and screaming into the post modern techno age by buying a cell phone. I'm sure I drove him crazy. I didn't even want a cell phone, despite his insistence that living in Japan without one is impossible. (Even though curiously enough, nobody makes phone calls, they all text message because it's cheaper) So hard did I resist modernization, we eventually went to meet a girl he was supposed to meet, and she helped us for the next two hours. Honestly, I felt like a bastard, but he insisted it had to be done. I worried about him and the girl (even though he insisted it wasn't a date) but sometimes it helps with a first meeting (as this was) to have some other idiot (me) there to make you look good. So now I have a phone. I call it the Vader Phone, because it's red and black. Although Dan wanted me to get this years model, which cost a hundred dollars and allowed me to watch television on it, being cautious of my money (and scared of technology) I opted for last years model, which cost me 1 yen. Yep, 1 yen. Despite being hopelessly out of date, my phone allows me to (among other things); take a picture, have a written schedule book, get train times, text message people, send e-mail, surf the web, get weather updates and communicate with dogs. Yes, I said communicate with dogs, it comes with a bark translation program called bowlingual, which gives a translation of all the most common dog barks. Oh, and boringly enough, I can also make phone calls... Once I figure out how to turn the damn thing on, I'll be all set. After the phone matter was settled, we went out to meet with Ian and Jack, two Scottish friends of Dan's. They had a coupon for free drinks at a new bar/club known disturbingly enough as the "Budweiser carnival". So, having traveled halfway around the world from St.Louis, I found myself in a bar that specialized in Budweiser. Despite the drink of choice, it was actually pretty nice. The college girls in form fitting, mini skirted one piece Budweiser dresses were a nice addition to the ambiance. So. In conclusion. Japan is strange, I have a phone, mini skirts make bad beer better, and Scots are fun to drink with. That's all the wisdom I have to offer for now.
Laters,

Oh yes,

HAPPY 7th BIRTHDAY TO ZOE!!!!

Matta ne

2005-06-08T18:30:00.000+09:00

As I write this blog on my last night in the states I find myself tired, mildly freaking and stressed. These past weeks have been among the finest and worst of all I have experienced, strung out from coffee and smokes all while writing endless lists in a futile attempt to assuage my rising paranoia that I'm going to forget something. And I have. I don't know what it is yet, but when I find out I'll let you all know. In the past weekend alone, I have gone to two amazing parties, gone crazy at least five times and said goodbye to my mother as she lay in a hospital bed. (although not for good) As bad as all this might sound though, I am raring to go, filled with enthusiasm, anticipation and excitement. Why? Well, in all honesty, I always have been fond of a little adventure... (I blame Indiana Jones) But in truth, how could I not be excited? It is the end result of both my failures and successes to this very moment. To back away from this chance would be an insult to the sacrifices of my family and the support of those dear to me. (You know who you are) The outpouring of support from my family, teachers and friends has been at times both staggering and breathtaking. My family has been amazing, helping me to prepare and calming me whenever I started to lose it. My friends in the fencing society threw me a party that had to be one of the proudest and most embarrassing moments of my life, as person after person stood up and roasted me. And drank. Oh we drank. The ebony to my ivory, my boy Jerry and his beloved (by me) soon to be wife Raquita and my god-daughter Camille threw me a second party with all of my closest non fencing friends came to their house for a home cooked dinner and to see me off. But strangely enough, all this outpouring of love and affection has not made it harder to leave, but in fact easier. Coming to the realization that I have the gained the regard of such amazing people whom I have been blessed to consider my boon companions has in fact strengthened my resolve. If people such as yourselves (once again, you know who you are) and a family as wonderful as mine believe so strongly in me, how can I not? So here we go. In the immortal words of George Clinton "Feets don't fail me now!" In the even more immortal words of one who shall remain unnamed "May god have pity on those poor Japanese..."

Emergency Blog Posting

2005-05-26T12:35:00.000+09:00

This is not the blog I intended to write. I had been preparing an entry detailing where I was being posted to in Japan, and my mixed feelings on the matter. That entry has been a week or so in the making due to either my constant quest for perfection or the fact that I'm lazy and easily distracted, take your pick. That blog has been indefinitely delayed however, because of an issue that has only recently come to my attention. Hunting videos. Now, for those of you who are unaware of this curious phenomenon, a hunting video is one in which hunters go out in the woods with a cameraman and film themselves hunting POV. Along the way, they merrily trade hunting anecdotes and advice, before shooting something. A tape generally has several hunts on it, ones picked for either size of the animal, difficulty of the hunt or perceived excitement value. The tape is then put on the market for either rental or sale, so that people can enjoy and replay their favorite hunt over and over again. I first heard of these videos in an article in the Riverfront times, and I suspect that the primary patrons are either those to ill, fat or old to effectively hunt, or maybe just a guy who's jonesin' for his bowhunting fix out of season. Well and good. Not my cup of tea, but hey, who am I to judge. Today though, whilst perusing the stacks at a Columbia Ill. Rental store, I for the first time came face to face with said hunting videos. My curiosity piqued, I began to study the titles, rows upon rows of "Bowhunting Bonanza" or "X-TREME HUNTING MISSOURI!" (my hatred of X-TREME things is well known to those more familiar with my personality) After a moment however, I began to notice that far more than just simple instructional hunting videos they were...porn. Not porn in the traditional sense, which typically involves sex of some kind but hardcore hunter porn. They are indistinguishable save for the fact that one (generally) has no sex and things die in the end. You doubt me? You need proof? Ok, how's this one, aptly titled "The Rut". According to the back of the box, "The Rut" is filled with exciting footage of hunting during deer mating season, including actual deer sex (followed by a shooting) and loads of tips and tricks for taking advantage of lust crazed woodland creatures. Riiiight. Need more? There's plenty more where that came from, but lest I become redundant, I'll leave you with one more bon mot. My favorite. With an advertisement (reproduced verbatim) that could be ripped straight from the cover of one of Eastern Europe's finest exports comes..."Buck Fever" This quality video admonishes the viewer (on the cover) to "Get the fever with over 80 minutes of HOT Whitetail action..." (And the hot was underlined) You sick, sick bastards. And people wonder why I'm leaving the country. Nope, I'm off to a nice sane country that has cartoons of people being violated by tentacles. PEACE!

Getting my new laptop

2005-05-12T10:59:00.000+09:00

Right. Let that be a lesson to me on the wisdom of getting friends of dubious mental stability to write my introduction. Truthfully though, it's all pretty apt save for the coke binges and orgies. I've come to the realization that I'm walking a thin line here, a balancing act between using this blog to communicate with my family whilst remaining juicy enough to entertain my legion of adoring fans. One of the big worries about getting this blog was that it would drive me into the nighttime streets of Japan in search of new stories with which to regale my friends. Hopefully. But on the other hand, this blog may be the most boring thing you've ever read, in which case I have but one thing to say to you. PISS OFF. I hope you're entertained, but honestly, I'm really new to this. I'm sitting here trying to think of things to write, but I'm not really used to pouring my thoughts out into the void so if my writing seems to remind you of a middle school kid forced to sing in a recital, that's your reason. That's not news though.

What's news is the fact that I'm writing this blog on my BRAND SPANKIN NEW LAPTOP!!!!! That's right kids, daddy's entered the techno age, and I'm here to tell you that the future looks bright from here. I mean, just the other day I saw a man talking on a tiny phone that wasn't plugged into anything! Yep, It's true. So to all the naysayers and their naysaying, I stick out my tounge and make a rude gesture that I won't describe in this family oriented, kid friendly blog. Like any reasonable man, I know at least some of my limitations. In light of that fact, I have delegated the setup of my computer to my good friend Benticore, who knows far more of this arcane science we are using than I. So, here I sit while Benticore fiddles with downloads and other such techno-wizardry. God help me if something goes wrong with my computer when I'm in Japan. It is a pretty computer though, silver with white trim. Sleek, light, streamlined... Growr... It's my prreciousssssss.....

Prologue (Gettin My Cash Right and my Ho's Tight)

2005-05-11T11:56:00.000+09:00

This isn't Daimushi. This is his swarthy friend, Benticore. You see, Daimushi will soon be going on a year long trip to japan. Well, maybe trip isn't the right word. Hmmm....Whats the word for where you're forced into servitude for a certain period of time and you kinda like it but you have to miss your best friends wedding and you get stuck in a city where the ass to hip ratio is like .9 and stuff? Indentured Suckitude? I guess. But no, Im not bitter at all...nor will I be intimidated by Grammer Nazi's and other side seat typists who claim they know more Grammar Knowledge than me. Im ALL bout da grammar yo. Im Grammpimptactular....uh...what were we talking about? Oh yeah, Daimushi's punkass....see below
You see, since Daimushi will be spending a year teaching for a large corporation that suckers crazy white boys into teaching english to foreigners, we decided that he should blog his experiences so that he doesnt have to take the time to send emails to each and every one of us. Of course, sending a forwarded message would probably be easier too, but well, who cares. But, for a sense of continuity, we (meaning me) decided that he should start the blog before he leaves for japan. But, in his exquisite laziness, he asked ME to write the first blog. So here it is. He's sitting right there. I mean Im looking right at him. Now hes standing behind me reading as I type. Would it be so hard for his punkass to type this instead of me? I guess so. BASTARD.

So, over the next year or so, we should be getting a good sense of Daimushi as he goes out into the world, shedding his boyhood wonder and childlike innocence for the hard edged, gritty Noir style cyncism of adulthood. JAPANESE STYLE!!!!!! MEWAKU!!!!!!!!!

Out
Benticore